Another Management Speak Primer

[lalit_inani]

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's very interesting.
TRANSLATION: I disagree.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: "I don't disagree."
TRANSLATION: "I disagree."

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you.
TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility.
TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity.
TRANSLATION: You have a problem.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
TRANSLATION: This is awful.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world.
TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand.
TRANSLATION: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business.
TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture.
TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it's a good idea.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
TRANSLATION: We're going to do it my way.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
TRANSLATION: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Cost of ownership has become a significant issue in desktop computing.
TRANSLATION: We want all of the benefits and none of the costs.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to leverage our resources.
TRANSLATION: You're working weekends.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Individual contributor.
TRANSLATION: Employee who does real work.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Your project is on hold.
TRANSLATION: We've put a bullet in it.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Wrong answer.
TRANSLATION: You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You needed to be more proactive.
TRANSLATION: You should have protected me from myself.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'd like your buy-in on this.
TRANSLATION: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want you to be the executive champion of this project.
TRANSLATION: I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We need to syndicate this decision.
TRANSLATION: We need to spread the blame if it backfires.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to put on our marketing hats.
TRANSLATION: We have to put ethics aside.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't work.
TRANSLATION: I don't know how to do it.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's a no-brainer.
TRANSLATION: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'm glad you asked me that.
TRANSLATION: Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
TRANSLATION: One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'll never lie to you.
TRANSLATION: The truth will change frequently.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
TRANSLATION: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Value-added.
TRANSLATION: Expensive.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Human Resources.
TRANSLATION: A bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks.

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees.
TRANSLATION: The upcoming reductions will benefit me.