SMS, jokes and more fun stuff

hey_itsme

New member
hey guys here are some sms's and thoughts hope u like it.. also every1 pls contribute if have any good jokes or sms

SMS

Roses are red, Violents are blue monkeys
like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there too
not in cage but laughing at you.



Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.


The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.


the only
wealth
i have

are the
people
around
me
that i
really
call
friends
and u r
1 of them. pls stay
with me
so that
people
will know

how rich
i am......

i have a simple
computation on
how long our
friendship will last,
count
d
stars
in heaven

plus


sand
on d
shore,


multiplied

by d
heart
beats

equals


4 ever.


saas,"arri janam jali, shaadi ke aath saal baad bacha diya woh bhi ladki..!"
modern bahu," aap ke bete ke bharose rehti, to ye bhi na hoti"


a man wasw travelling in a train with 12 babies. the woman next to him asked: r they ur babies. man said: no actually i work in a condom factory and these are "customer complaints"


only problem with being punctual is that nobody is present to appreciate it

like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed
it can jus be transferred from one boyfriend to another boyfriend




all u guys keep ur contribution comin....................... :x
 

tanuja_kelkar

New member
Kehte hain ki ISHQ main neend ud jaati hai
Koi humse bhi ishq kare
Khambhaqat neend bahut aati hai



Kar diya izhare-ishq hamne telephone par,
laakh rupaye ki bat thi,
do rupaye main ho gayee (wah wah)






Pyaar ke jaam ko aise na piyo ke
Adha piya aur adha chod diya
Yaron yeh pyaar hai pyaar
Nahin koi Vim Bar
Jo thoda sa lagaya aur bas ho gaya.......!!






Aur bhi cheezain bahut see lut chuki hain dil ke saath
Ye bataya dooston ne ishq furmane ke baad;
Is liye kamre ki ek ek cheez "check" karta hoon main
"Ek tere aane se pehle, ek tere jaane ke baad"(wah-wah)






Log ishq karte hain,
Bade shor ke saath.
Humne bhi kiya,
Bade zor ke saath.
Magar ab karenge,
Thoda gaur ke saath.
Kyonki kal usko dekha,
Kisi aur ke saath.






Aansun se palke bhigo leta hoon
Yaad teri aati hai to ro leta hoon
Socha ki bhula doon tujhe magar,
Har baar faisla badal deta hoon







Dark were those days, without your sight.
When I was in darkness, you gave me light.
You gave me strength 2 make life bright.
Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT






Khuda se Scooter manga.. Car di;
Apartment manga.. bangla diya;
dost manga to tumhain diya..
Khuda ne is bar aisa zulm kyoun kia






When I C the moon I C U
When I C the stars I C U
When I C the Sea I C U
Get out of the way you are blocking my view.
 

hey_itsme

New member
JOKES[/size]

WOMAN
When a woman is 18, she is a football - 22 men
going after her.
When she is 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men
going after her.
When she is 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man
hitting her.
When she is 48, she is a pingpong ball - 2 men
pushing to each other.


MAN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to
offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but
delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round &
juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the
season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out,
wrinkled & cheap.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither
God nor man has rested.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up
after you let him in!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Marriage is a three ring circus:
1.engagement ring
2.wedding ring
3.suffering

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the
man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the
neighbours listen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A man said his credit card was stolen but he
decided not to report it
because the thief was spending less than his
wife did.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple was having a discussion about family
finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money,the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be
here."

----------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much oes it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
 

kartik

Kartik Raichura
Staff member
Re

Nice Ones guyz... Mine jus Rocks.. every guyz dream girl... :grin: :x

Aisi apni Wife ho
5'5" jiski height ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thodi light Ho,
Umar me difference slight ho,
Thodi see wo quiet ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.
Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
India ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.: Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono me na kabhi fight ho,
Milne ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey prabhu teri archana uski life ho.
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe
"Guru, tum right ho"
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Kaash yeh concept 0.0001 percent bhi right ho
Agar aisi apni wife ho to kya hasin life ho
Har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
Kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
Khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki na gunjaish ho
Ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
Aisi apni wife ho
 

hey_itsme

New member
PSYCHO TEST

hey nice one kartik :x .........
heres a small psycho test ........ u may think the ans are easy but when u see the actual ans u may jus laugh on ur stupidity

take the test.... it will b fun and share ur experience .. tell us how many ans u got it correctly and where u goofed up :grin:


> > > >PLEASE FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS TO REALLY ENJOY
> > THE PSYCHOLOGY:
> > > >
> > > >Q1) SAY "BOAST" 5 TIMES, NOW SPELL "BOAST", NOW
> > SAY COAST 5 TIMES, NOW
> > > >SPELL "COAST"..... WHAT DO YOU PUT IN A
> TOASTER?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:- BREAD.... IF YOU SAID "TOAST" THEN
> GIVE
> > UP NOW AND GO AND FIND
> > > >YOURSELF A SHOE BOX AS YOU CAN'T HANDLE
> LIFE....
> > > >
> > > >IF YOU SAID "BREAD" THEN PLEASE PROGRESS ON TO
> > QUESTION 2
> > > >
> > > >(Q2) SAY "SILK" 5 TIMES, NOW SPELL "SILK" WHAT
> DO
> > COWS DRINK?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:- "WATER" IF YOU SAID "MILK", THEN MAY I
> > SUGGEST THAT YOU DO NOT
> > >TRY
> > > >THE NEXT QUESTION, AS IT MAY SEEM THAT YOU
> BRAIN
> > CELL IS OVER - TAXED,
> > >YOU
> > > >NEED A HOLIDAY...MAY I SUGGEST CHILDREN'S
> WORLD?
> > > >
> > > >IF YOU SAID "WATER" THEN YOU MAY GO ONTO
> QUESTION
> > 3
> > > >
> > > >(Q3) IF A RED HOUSE IS MADE FROM RED BRICKS, A
> > BLUE HOUSE IS MADE OUT OF
> > > >BLUE BRICKS, A PINK HOUSE IS MADE OUT OF PINK
> > BRICKS, A BLACK HOUSE IS
> > >MADE
> > > >OUT OF BLACK BRICKS.... WHAT IS A GREENHOUSE
> MADE
> > OUT OF?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:- "GLASS" IF YOU SAID "GREEN BRICKS"
> THEN
> > WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
> > > >STILL DOING HERE READING THESE QUESTIONS!!!!
> > > >
> > > >IF YOU SAID "GLASS" THEN PLEASE PROGRESS ONTO
> > QUESTION 4
> > > >
> > > >(Q4) 20 YEARS AGO A PLANE IS FLYING AT 20,000
> FT,
> > OVER THE OLD COUNTRY
> > > >GERMANY WHEN 2 OF THE ENGINES FAIL. THE PILOT
> > REALISING THAT THE LAST
> > > >REMAINING ENGINE WAS FAILING, DECIDES ON A
> CRASH
> > LANDING PROCEDURE, BUT
> > > >UNFORTUNATELY THE ENGINE FAILS BEFORE TIME AND
> > THE PLANE CRASHES SMACK
> > >BANG
> > > >IN THE MIDDLE OF "NO MANS LAND". THE LAND
> BETWEEN
> > EAST GERMANY AND WEST
> > > >GERMANY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BERLIN WALL. WHERE
> > WOULD YOU BURY THE
> > > >SURVIVORS EAST GERMANY, WEST GERMANY OR IN "NO
> > MANS LAND"?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:- YOU DON'T BURY "SURVIVORS" IF YOU SAID
> > ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE
> > > >SENTENCE ABOVE THEN PLEASE NEVER FLY, YOU MAY
> > CAUSE MORE DAMAGE SHOULD
> > >THE
> > > >PLANE CRASH!!!
> > > >
> > > >IF YOU SAID THE SENTENCE ABOVE THEN CARRY ON TO
> > QUESTION 5
> > > >
> > > >(Q5) IF ON A CLOCK THE HOUR HAND MOVES 1/60th
> OF
> > A DEGREE EVERY MINUTE
> > >THEN
> > > >HOW MANY DEGREES WILL THE HOUR HAND TRAVEL IN 1
> > HOUR?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:- "1 DEGREE" IF YOU SAID "360 DEGREES",
> OR
> > ANYTHING OTHER THAN
> > THE
> > > >ANSWER, MAY I CONGRATULATE YOU ON GETTING THIS
> > FAR...BUT BE HONEST WITH
> > > >YOURSELF, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THE LAST
> > AND FINAL QUESTION?
> > > >
> > > >IF YOU SAID "1 DEGREE" THEN PLEASE GO ON TO THE
> > LAST QUESTION
> > > >
> > > >(Q6) **WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR** YOU ARE
> > DRIVING A BUS FROM LONDON TO
> > > >MILFORD HAVEN (WALES) IN LONDON 17 PEOPLE GET
> ON
> > THE BUS, IN READING 6
> > > >PEOPLE GET OFF, 9 PEOPLE GET ON, IN SWINDON 2
> > PEOPLE GET OFF, 4 PEOPLE
> > >GET
> > > >ON, IN CARDIFF 11 PEOPLE GET OFF,16 PEOPLE GET
> > ON, IN SWANSEA 3 PEOPLE
> > >GET
> > > >OFF, 5 PEOPLE GET ON, IN CARMARTHEN, 6 PEOPLE
> GET
> > OFF,3 PEOPLE GET ON
> > THE
> > > >BUS THEN PULLS INTO MILFORD HAVE BUS DEPOT.....
> > > >
> > > >WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE BUS DRIVER?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >(Scroll down for the answer)
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >ANSWER:-"YOUR NAME". READ THE FIRST LINE IF YOU
> > SAID 36 THEN YOU REALLY
> > > >SHOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION, BUT YOU ARE PROBABLY
> > SO BROKE THAT YOU CAN'T
> > > >AFFORD TO PAY ATTENTION ANY MORE IF YOU SAID
> YOU
> > NAME THEN WHAT THE HELL
> > > >ARE YOU DOING WORKING THERE?
 

hey_itsme

New member
"How Can A Student Pass"

"How Can A Student Pass"

It's not the fault of the school student if they fails, because the year hasn't 365 days.

Typical academic year for a dull
student.

1. Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, whichare rest
days.

Balance 313 days.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot
and difficult to study.

Balance 263 days.

3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 30 days.

Balance 141 days.

4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days.

Balance 126 days.

5. 2 hours daily for food & otherdelicacies(chew properly & eat)-means 30 days.

Balance 96 days.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days

Balance 81 days.

7. Exam days per year atleast 35 days.

Balance 46 days.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.

Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness atleast 3 days.

Balance 3 days.

10. Movies and functions atleast 2 days.

Balance 1 day.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.

"HOW CAN A STUDENT PASS"
 

milind20

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Question and Answer

Nice work ppl.
every1's contributing so i thought y shud i b behind. here goes....

This is a Question and Answer round. Answers r given below, plz be honest

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall,how long would it take
four men to build it?
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Q. What looks like half apple ?
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?


Answers:
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
A. No time at all it is already built.
A. Very large hands. (Good one)
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one
hand.
A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.
A. It will get Wet or Sink as simple as that.
A : The other half.
A : Dinner.
A : It caused a revolution.
A : Liquid :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:
 

hey_itsme

New member
HORROR STORY

hey nice one milind :grin:


I know you must be often hunting to read horror books or suspense
thrillers, which actually chill out your bones. Go on and read this
breath taking incidence.


My friend lives in Tremolo, housing area where it's
mostly surrounded by trees and high land areas. One day he went to
KualaLumpur to visit his uncle over there for few wks. One evening he
went to town for a movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very
late.
He quickly made a move to home. As he was walking, he could sense that
the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was
astonished to see an old creepy looking guy selling some books as of people selling VCD's in KualaLumpur. It got the shivers on him when he noticed that this old guy is so pale and staring at him......

The old guy said "son why dun u get a book.....it would keep u company".

My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his
collections..... My friend's hair started to rise up as he noticed that
all the books were related to supernatural activities..... but he found one
that was very interesting. So he asked the old man "how much izzit
uncle?"

The old guy replied, "Well son....this is an interesting book...it's
only for Rs. 2500. My friend was shocked and said "but....but...it's
expensive...." This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My
friend quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs2000 & said "This is
all I have." The old guy replied "It's ok son....u can 've the book for that
price" As my friend was just about to run for home.....the old man
called back & said "son ....whatever happen, you don't ever flip the book to it's last page.... remember these words....or you would regret it....!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My friend nodded and took off.... Reaching home..... he quickly asked
His parents "dad.. mom ..is there any new book sellers nearby?" They
replied "not that we know of but ...we've heard that there's 1 old
man comes once in a while during full moon days but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out ...... he told his parents "nothing dad...just
asking". He started reading the book with the old man's words on his
mind.

At night.........12 0'clock ....... as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that glimpse, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said !!!!!!! ..... But we humans tend to have the tendency to know.....

Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted............. What he
saw at the last page is stated below:





























































;























BOOK FOR SALE!
Original Price : Rs. 20
Promotion Price : Rs. 10
 

kartik

Kartik Raichura
Staff member
Jokes

> > > Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
> > > Frnd: Y?
> > > Srdr: Got upper berth.
> > > Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
> > > Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower
> > > berth..
> > >
> > > Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite,
> > > nobody will b
> > > there............. Girl goes at night & realy
> > > nobody was there
> > >
> > > A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C. After
> > > seeing the Form
> > > He
> > > hed gone to DELHI for filling up. U know y?
> > > FORM say " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".
> > >
> > > A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and
> > > Suffered huge Loss.
> > > Do u know what the business was?
> > > . . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a
> > > Saloon in Punjab!.
> > >
> > > A Teacher lecturing on population - In India
> > > after Every 10 sec a
> > > women gives birth to a kid.
> > > A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
> > >
> > > Sardar-why r all these people running?
> > > Man- This is a race, the winner will get the
> > > cup.
> > > Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why
> > > r others running?
> > >
> > > Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
> > > Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
> > > again twins & named Max & Climax.
> > > Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them
> > > TIRED&RETIRED!
> > >
> > > 19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY
> > > CAME IN A BIG GROUP
> > > OF
> > > 19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS ONLY FOR
> > > ABOVE 18...
> > >
> > > A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's
> > > face in a funeral
> > > function, suddenly all relatives beat him why?
> > > . He said "SMILE PLEASE"
> > >
> > > Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this
> > > sentence into future
> > > tense.
> > >
> > > Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to
> > > jail".
> > >
> > > Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out,
> > > climbs tree, sits on
> > > the
> > > branch
> > > regularly. A man asks why he does this.
> > > Srdr:"I've been
> > > promoted
> > > as
> > > branch
> > > manager."
> > >
> > > Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
> > > mouth................. WHY?
> > > because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner
> > > should be light"_-=
> > >
> > > Sardarji was filling up application form for a
> > > job. He was not
> > > sure
> > > as to what to be filled in column "Salary
> > > Expected".
> > >
> > > After much thought he wrote : Yes!
> > >
> > > SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES
> > > HIMSELF - I
> > > SARDAR,SHE
> > > SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
> > > KIDNEY....
> > >
> > > One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come
> > > to his college.
> > > U knw Why?
> > > Because he wanted to check where the question
> > > paper is leaking...
> > >
> > > Sardar told his servant: Go and water the
> > > plants. Servant: It"s
> > > already raining. Sardar: So what take an
> > > umbrella and go.
> > >
> > > Santa! Your daughter has died!
> > > Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
> > > At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a
> > > daughter!
> > > At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
> > > At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa
> > >
> > > ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
> > > HIM,DARLING ON OUR
> > > ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
> > > HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
> > >
> > > Sardar found the answer to the most difficult
> > > question ever -
> > > What will come first, Chicken or egg?
> > > O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
> > >
> > > A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was
> > > laughing.
> > > A bystander: why are u laughing?
> > > Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch
> > > network is
> > > following
> > > me.
> > >
> > > Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
> > > Dealer gave 11 cr
> > > after
> > > deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20
> > > cr or else return
> > > my
> > > 20 Rs
> > > back.!
> > >
> > > A teacher told all students in a class to write
> > > an essay on a
> > > cricket
> > > match.All were busy writing except one
> > > Sardarji.He wrote "DUE TO
> > > RAIN, NO MATCH!"
> > >
> > > Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U
> > > This Packet
> > > Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u
> > > could have posted
> > > it....
> > >
> > > What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
> > > He will compare it with the original for any
> > > spelling mistakes.
> > >
> > > Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr
> > > elder to
> > > you'...........Sardar said 'Oye No Problem
> > > Soniye,I'll marry you
> > > NEXT
> > > YEAR.
> > >
> > > WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT
> > > EMERGENCY?
> > > ** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.
> > >
> > > Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
> > > Sardar says... Drink quickly......
> > > Wife asks why...
> > > sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10
> > >
> > > A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4
> > > Divorce. Judge asked:
> > > How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children? Sardar
> > > replied: Ok! We"ll
> > > apply
> > > NEXT YEAR
> > >
> > > Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my
> > > grandpa who died
> > > peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all d
> > > passengers in d
> > > car
> > > he was driving..
> > >
> > > Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this
> > > horrible looking thing
> > > is
> > > what you call modern art ?
> > > Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a
> > > mirror!
> > >
> > > Sardar was writing something very slowly.
> > > Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
> > > Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't
> > > read very fast.
> > >
> > > Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a
> > > graveyard in punjab .
> > > Local
> > > sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are
> > > still digging for
> > > more..
> > >
> > > A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes
> > > walking at evening
> > > not
> > > in the morning. Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai
> > > Manmohan is PM not
> > > AM''.
> > >
> > > Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
> > > Man says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
> > > Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last
> > > words.
> > > It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXGN TUBE!"
> > >
> > > Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror
> > > with his eyes
> > > closed.
> > > His wife asked what you are doing ?
> > > . He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.
> > >
 

kartik

Kartik Raichura
Staff member
How to read ??

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can.I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on
 

ViJiT

Vijith Pujari
Re: How to read ??

kartik said:
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can.I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on



nice post liked it a lot , something new..................
 

bhavin_3

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Re: How to read ??

vjaquarian_14 said:
kartik said:
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can.I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs psas it on


Dude Should hv sent me in back dyz i have to give dis do ma grammer teacher nd she obviously thought spellings wer everythin in life...!!!
 

ViJiT

Vijith Pujari
Some funny proverbs

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having the good sense to be lazy.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill your house 4 inches deep.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't, why you should.
If you look like your passport photo you're not well enough to travel.
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it bothers the pig.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ''good doggie'' while looking for a bigger stick.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one.
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use looking like a fool.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
Never ever make absolute, unconditional statements.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.

and my favourite

The glass is either half full, half empty, or twice as big as it needs to be.
 

ViJiT

Vijith Pujari
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up
their tent,and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. "
Look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute: "Astronomically
speaking, it tells me that there are millions of
galaxies
and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter
past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful
and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, then
speaks: "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
 

kartik

Kartik Raichura
Staff member
> Enjoy these brain exercises!..........:d
>
> S'thing to activate your brain cell
>
>
> 1. man
> -----------
> board
>
>
>
> Ans. = man overboard
>
>
>
> 2. stand
> -----------
> i
>
>
>
> Ans. = I understand
>
> ok?....get the drift?
> Let's try a few now & see how you fare ???
>
>
> 3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/
>
>
>
> Ans. = reading between the lines
>
>
> 4. r
> ! road
> a
> d
>
>
>
> Ans. = cross road
>
>
> 5. cycle
> cycle
> cycle
>
>
>
> Ans. = tricycle
>
>
> 6. t
> o
> w
> n
>
>
>
> Ans. = downtown
>
>
> 7. le /
> / vel
>
>
>
> Ans. = split level
>
>
> 8! . 0 < BR> -------------
> M.D.
> Ph.D.
>
>
>
> Ans. = two degrees below zero
>
>
> 9. knee!
> ------------
> light
>
>
>
> Ans. = neon light (knee on light)
>
>
> 10. ii ii
> ----------
> O O
>
>
>
> Ans. = circles under the eyes
>
>
> 11. dice
> dice
>
>
> Ans. = paradise
>
>
> 12. t
> o
> u
> c
> h
>
>
>
> Ans. = touch! down
>
>
> 13. ground
> ---------------
> feet
> feet
> feet
> feet
> feet
> &nbs! p; feet
>
>
>
> Ans. = six feet underground
>
> 14. he's / himself
>
>
>
> Ans. = he's by himself
>
>
> 15. ecnalg
>
>
>
> Ans. = backward glance
>
>
> 16. death / life
>
>
>
> Ans. = life after death
>
>
> 17 THINK
>
>
>
> Ans. think big !! !
>
>
> And the last one is what made me missing
> you...............
>
>
> 18 ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....
>
>
>
> Ans. long time no 'c'(see)
 

KARTIKRAITHATHA

New member
best ever jokes!!!!

Chemical Analysis of 'Woman'

Symbol: WO
Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.

Occurence: Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
1) Surface usually covered in a painted film.
2) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3) Melts if given proper treatment.
4) Bitter if used incorrectly.
5) Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore.

Chemical Properties:
1) Possesses great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and other
precious metals.
2) Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances.
3) May explode spontaneously if left with a MALE.
4) Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol.
5) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Uses:
1) Highly ornamental especially in sports cars.
2) Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
3) Can be a great aid in relaxation.

Tests:
1) Pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state.
2) Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
1) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2) Illegal to possess more than one except in certain areas.
although several can be maintained at different locations
as long as specimens do notcome into direct contact with each other

WARNING !!! !!! WARNING !!! !!! WARNING !!! !!!
WARNING !!!!!!WARNING

PROLONGED EX! POSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL
HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALIENS BE CAREFUL
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas
station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the
aliens addressed it. "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace.
Take us to your leader."

The gas pumps of course didn't respond.

The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps
haughty attitude, drew his ray gun and said impatiently,
"Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us
in this way! Take us to your leader or I'll fire!"

The other alien shouted to his comrade, "No, you don't want to
make him mad!

" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 yards
into the desert where they landed in a heap rather abruptly.

When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired
turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature.
It damn near killed us!

The other alien answered,"If there's one thing I've learned during
my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a *male organ* he
can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you
don't mess with him." !!!





Three guys died and when they got to the Heaven's
gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know
that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before
I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You
have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big,
what kind of car you get will depend on your answer."

The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How
long were you married?"

The first guy says, "24 years."

"Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy
said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven."

Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Chevrolet to
drive."

The second guy walks up and gets the same question from
Peter.

The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated
on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked
it out good."

Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Rolls Royce"

The 3rd guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're
going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look
at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"

Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Ferrari!"

A few days later, the 2 guys with the Rolls and the Chevrolet
saw the guy with the Ferrari crying on the golden sidewalk.
When they asked the guy with the Ferrari what was wrong, he
said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a bicycle!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, and
was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another
man on a desk in the distance.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband" he inquired nervously.

'No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend then" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation"


u r a science student and u r in a jungle and u need to trap a lion .....
how do u
1. Newton's Method:
Let the lion catch you. For every action there is
equal and opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.

2. Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap
it easily.

3. Schrodinger Method:
At any given moment, there is a positive probability
that lion to be in the cage. So set the trap, sit down
and wait.

4. Inverse Transformation Method:
Place a spherical cage in the forest and enter it.
Perform an inverse transformation with respect to
lion. Lion is in and we are out.

5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
Construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
everything to pass it except lions. Then sweep the
entire forest with it.
6. Integration Differential Method:
Integrate the forest over the entire area. The lion
is some where in the result. So differentiate the
result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion to trace out the lion.
__________________
PAST---Please Avoid Such Things


TOP TEN EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH

1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't
actually reach it.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove
that it converged.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in
and ate it.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or
i is the square root of negative one.
9. I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee.
I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but
this morning I couldn't find it.


General Musharraf, Vajpayee, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting
in a train.

The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel.

The woman and girl are sitting there looking perplexed.

Vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent
slap.

The old woman is thinking: Vajpayee must have tried to kiss that girl and
has got slapped.

Vajpayee is thinking: "Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss the
girl,she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl is thinking: "Vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed
Musharraf instead and got slapped."

Musharraf is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could
make another kissing sound and slap Vajpayee again."


Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake


What's the definition of a Lesbian?
"Just another damn woman, trying to do a man's job."

Women are unpredictable:
Before marriage, she expects a man.
After marriage, she suspects her man.
After his death, she respects him.

Why are married women fatter than single one's?
Singles come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed whereas,
married women come home, see what's in the bed & go to the fridge.

What is common between a passionate kiss and a spider?
"Both lead to the undoing of the fly".

What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
"After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

GIRLS.cpp

Class girls

class female_professionals
{
double style;
short skirts;
long time_to_understand_problems;
float mind;
void knowledge;
char non_co-operative;
}

class married_females
{
double weight;
short tempered;
long gossip;
float hopes;
void talk;
char unstable;
}

class engaged_females
{
double time_on_phone;
short attention_on_work;
long boast;
float on_cloud_nine;
void understanding;
char edgy;
}

class newly_married_females
{
double dinner_invitation;
short time_at_work;
long lunch_break;
void bank_balance;
char hen_pecking;
}

class husband_wife_professionals
{
double income;
short tempered;
long time_to_see_each_other;
void love_life;
char money_making;
}

class beautiful_city_girl
{
double boyfriends;
short affairs;
long stories;
void brains;
char flirt;
}



Three men from the top of a mountain...trying to jump...
The first two die..
The third one doesnt...
Stays upright..alive..with all bones...
A man watching these ppl dive...perplexed by seeing the final dive..
When he asks the person as to why he didnt die...
The person cooly replied..
"This is the third time I am diving....I died the first time itself..."
 

milind20

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Ppl this is really funny....read on........

On 9/11/2001....

Gen. Musharraf calls up Pres. Bush and says, "Mr. Bush, my condolences. I learned bout d attacks and hence i thought i shud console u. I really hope dat u and ur country will face dis as a chllnge. Pls do not feel alone in dis time of grief....we all are wid u for d fite against trrorism...".

Bush interrupts him nd says, " Hey, wat r u talkin bout? How did dis fite against terrorism issue come frm? Wat r u talkin?".

Mushrraf (confused) asks," Wat is the time ther???".

" It's 9 am.", is the reply.

Mushrraf says, " Oops!!! sorry will call u back after an hour."
_________________________________________________________________

A sardar visits a chinese frnd in a hospital. When he goes there, the chinese frnd frantically says to him, "chin min huch yua dijn" nd then he dies. Sardar is confused nd he decides to go to china to find out wat his frnd meant. He meant,
" u r standing on d oxygen tube ".
_________________________________________________________________

Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer
and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home,
we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank
together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it
there. Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the
sameway: He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars
notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I
wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and
he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are
alive" . " Only thing is ---- I just quit drinking"!!!!!!
_________________________________________________________________

Q: Banta Singh went to see 9-12 PM show. But he came back at 10 PM. Why?
A: Because the movie's name was DASTAK.

***********

Museum administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you've broken.
Banta Singh: Thank God! I thought it was a new one!

***********

Banta Singh walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
So he lowers his voice to a whisper and says, "Can I have a burger and
fries?"

************

Sailor (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe
a man dies?"
Banta Singh: "Why don't you use a mouthwash?"

************

Q: Why did Banta Singh take his pregnant wife to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised 'free delivery'.
 

KARTIKRAITHATHA

New member
haha!!!

Classic definitions and cool meanings
1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage

5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sitto decide that nothing can be done together.

18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

24. Pessimist :- A person who says that 'O' is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

26. Father : A banker provided by nature.

27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

31. Computer Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such mails.....
 

ViJiT

Vijith Pujari
A Paki, Bangladeshi and Santa Singh are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad
our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

Santa Singh, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
 
Top