Subject: FW: sardar
Importance: High
Subject: sardar
> Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> "Sure."
> "Give me a green one, please."
>
> **********************
> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
> "Just a sec," says the rep.
> "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
>
> **********************
> Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> promptly
> filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
> Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to
> what to
> be filled there. After much thought he wrote :
> Yes
> **********************
> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
> crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a
> search
> is
> being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
> huge
> one.
> He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
> and
> *again* barefoot!"
>
> **********************
> A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks the
> clerk,
> "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos
> flask."
> The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
> The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things
> cold."
> The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
>
> The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
> His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with
> you?"
> He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> The boss then says, "What does it do?"
>
> He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
> The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
>
> **********************
> A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in
> Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
> complaints
> like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
>
> ********************
> What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
>
> *********************
> What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of
> paper
> ?
> (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
>
> *******************
>
> Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were
> planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get
> Punjab
> from India but how would we develop it?"
> That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
> problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be
> a
> state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds
> became
> happy at this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a
> single
> word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH!
> THAT'S
> ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
>
> ********************** 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
> Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
> "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
> "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
> He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style,
> and returned to tell the salesman
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
> "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete
> disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new
> outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he
> again approached the salesman.
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
> Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
>
> **********************
> Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
> Because below 18 was not allowed.
>
> **********************
> How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
>
> Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
>
> **********************
> How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
>
> **********************
> What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over
> his ears?
> Trying to hold on to a thought.
>
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > > >> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > > >> > > They always forget the recipe.
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > > >> > > He threw it off a cliff.
> > **********************> > >> > > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > > >> > > A wind tunnel.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > > >> > > The back of his head.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > > >> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
> > > > >> > > Just-one Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > > >> > > They think their picture is being taken.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > > >> > > Toes Go In First.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > > >> > > It has a stamp on it.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > > >> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > > >> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > > >> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > > >> > > You always hear about them but you never see them.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> opposed
> to
> > a > > >>regular > > >> > > one?
> > > > >> > > You have to hollow out the head.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> kilometers
> a
> day
> > for > 300 > > >> > > days, he would loose 34 kilos. > > >> > > At
> the
> end
> > of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he > had > >
> >>lost
> > >
>
> > >> > > the weight, but he had a problem.
> > > > >> > > "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
> > > > >> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> >
> > > > >> > >> > >> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a
> railway
> > station.
> > > > >> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> Ludhiana?"
> > > > >> > > "No," answers the Railway man.
> > > > >> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> Dinosaurs
> > > start > > >> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> >
> >
> >>
> > > > friend asks him
> > "Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha > hai > > >> > >
> cinema
> hi
> > to hai"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki
> cinema
>
> > hai > lekin > > >> > > voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************>
> > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> tracks
> and
> > he > > >> > > takesalong some wine and chicken with him. > > >> > >
> > Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe >
> ho?"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook
> se
> na
> >
> > marjaun"
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> sleepy
> so
> he
> > > gave > > >> > > the guy sitting opposite him on
> > > > >> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> arrived.
> > This > guy > > >>was > > >> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20
> Rupees,
>
> > the > > >> > > Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
> Sardarji
> fell
>
> > asleep, > the > > >> > > barber quietly shaved off his beard.
> >
> > When the station arrived, the > > >> > > Sardarji was woken up, and
> he
> went
> > home. Reaching home, he went to > wash > > >> > > his face, and
> suddenly
> > screamed > > >> > > when he saw the mirror.
> > > > >> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?"
> > Replied he "The cheat on the > train > > >>has > > >> > > taken my
> 20
>
> > rupees and woken up someone else"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> knees
> and
> >
> > started > > >> > > thanking God. > > >> > > A passerby saw him and
> asked,
>
> > "Your donkey is missing; what are you > > >> > > thanking God for
> ?"
> > >
> >>
> > > > The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I
> >
>
> > wasn't > > >> > > riding the donkey at that > > >> > > time,
> otherwise I
>
> > would have been missing too."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
> > certificate
> > > > >> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
> > > > >> > > "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
> Sikh?"
> > " Aah, > > >>I > > >> > > read a > > >> > > newspaper, it says
> that
> every
> > 4th person born on the Earth now is > a > > >> > > Chinese."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> the
> outer
> > > space.
> > > > >> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
> (it's
> the
> >
> > barking > > >> > > sound)
> > > > >> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > > >> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > > >> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > > >> > > "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> has
> a
> > Clock > Tower > > >> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy
> the
> > clock on the Tower. > > >> > > Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a > > >> > > ladder." > > >> > > The man
> took
> the
> > thousand and disappeared. Having waited for > several > > >>hours >
> >
> >>
> >
> > > the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
> >
> >
> > >>Sardarji > > >> > > is again walking along the same street and
> the
> same
>
> > man asks him to > buy > > >> > > the clock. > > >> > > "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji > gives > > >> > >
> him
> the
>
> > thousand > > >> > > and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait
> and
> I'll
> > go get a > > >>ladder."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> managed
> to
> > > get > > >>into > > >> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh
> somehow
>
> > managed to get a bottom > seat, > > >> > > But unfortunate Banta
> got
>
> > pushed to the top.
> >
> > After a while when > the > > >>rush > > >> > > was over, Santa went
> > upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He > > >> > > met Banta in a
> bad
>
> > condition clutching the seats in front with > both > > >> > >
> hands,
>
> > scared to death. > > >> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the
> heck's
>
> > goin' on? > > >> > > Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride
> down
> > there ?
> > > > >> > > Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> doctor
> > asked > him > > >> > > what had happened to his ears and he
> answered,
> " I
>
> > was ironing a > shirt > > >> > > and the phone rang - but instead
> of
> > picking up the phone > > >> > > I accidentally picked up the iron
> and
> > stuck it to my ear."
> > > > >> > > " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
> > > > >> > > "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > > >> > > "The scoundrel called back."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there
> on
> > time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing
> officer.
> > Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and
> then
> > starts asking him questions.
> >
> > Following is the transcript :
> > O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials
> I
> would
> > like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those
> then
> > you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
> > S : Yes Sir.
> > Officer started asking questions
> > O : Above
> > S : Below
> > O : Front
> > S : Back
> > O : Left
> > S : Right
> > O : Male
> > S : Female
> > O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
> > S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
> > O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
> > S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
> > O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
> > S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......
> > Our Sardar also shouts)
> > Officer is now angry.
> > O : Get out
> > S : Come in.
> > O : Quiet please.
> > S : Talk please.
> > O : You are rejected.
> > S : I am selected
> > ....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating >>>
> >he
> > goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin
> > >>> >instead.
> > >>> >The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar
> >>>
> >rahe
> > ho?"
> > >>> >To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya
> >>>
> > >hai, "Wash Basin".
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the
> >>>
> > >telephone.
> > >>> >"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of
> >>>
> > >the night."
> > >>> >"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the >>>
> > >telephone anyway."
> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette
> butt
> >>>
> > >down the manhole and tried to step on it.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first
> >>>
> > >match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
> > >>> >He tried another. It wouldn't light. >>> >The third one
> finally
> lit.
>
> > He lit his cigarette, carefully blew >>> >the match out and put it
> in
> his
>
> > vest pocket.
> > >>> >"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
> > >>> >"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >
> > >>> >A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a >>>
> > >bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing.
> > >>> >The bystander: A Marathon race is going on >>> >Sardar: What
> do
> they
>
> > get from that?
> > >>> >Bystander : The winner will get a prize
> > >>> >Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
> > >>> >
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his >>> >
> > binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a
> > >>> > DISTANT relative of his...
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma
> >>>
>
> > >bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices >>>
> >will be
>
> > costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the >>> >price.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor
> >>>
> > >told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can >>>
> >give
> for
>
> > Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar
> >>>
>
> > >bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally >>>
> >vendor
>
> > out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the >>> >stereo free
> of
> > cost.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to >>>
> >Austin
> to
> > claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.>>> >
> > >>> >Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million.">>> >
> >
> > >>> >The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give
> >>>
> >you
> > a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out >>> >for
> the
> next
>
> > 19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won
> >>>
> >it
>
> > and I want it."
> >
> > Again, the man explained that he would >>> >only get a million that
> day
> and
> > the rest during the next >>> >19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want >>>
> >my
>
> > money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
> > >>> >right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip >>>
> >of
> his
> > index finger blown off.>>> >
> > >>> >"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.>>> >
> > >>> >"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.>>>
> >
> > >>> >The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
> >>>
>
> > >finger?" >>> >
> > >>> >"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my
> >>>
> >face
> > would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I
> > >>> >thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened.
> >>>
> >So
> > then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going
> > >>> >to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear >>>
> >before
> I
> > pulled the trigger.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his
> son
> were
> > >returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express. Santa Singh was
> occupying
> the
> > >lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most
> berth in
>
> > >the train.
> > >When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the
> son
> > >requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which
> Santa
>
> > >readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
> South
>
> > >Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
> > >Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE
> requested
> > >that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it would be better
> if
>
> > Santa >Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
> > Santa Singh >explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not
> giving
> > berth to my >child."
> >
> > >>> >**********************
> > >A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
> flying
> > >overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
> over
> him.
> > The >Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
> up
> and
>
> > >says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
> > >Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
> > >Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
> > >assigned to.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his checks so no one
> else
> > could >>use them if he lost his checkbook?
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him
> all
> of
> > their >burnt out light bulbs?
> > He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a >Darkroom.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
> > "Why", his friend Santa >Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
> jackets?".
> > "Because," said Banta >Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put
> on
> two
>
> > coats'."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
> middle
> of
> > a >highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
> three
>
> > miles; >the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked
> the
> > Sardar why he >>kept painting less each day, he replied
> > >"I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away
> from
> the
> > >paint can."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
> > >They're there for those who don't drink.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
> > So that when they're on the >train they can tell if they're going
> to
> work
>
> > or coming home.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They
> were
>
> > >driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had
> nothing
> > else >they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they
> continued
> their
> > >journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the
> seat,
> and
> > >the Sardar took the door. >
> >
> > >After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm
> confused,
> why
> > >>did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese responded, "If I get
> thirsty,
> I
> > >can drink the fluid."
> > >
> > >Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So
> the
> > >British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I
> can
> sit
> > >on this comfortable seat."
> > >
> > >Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
> The
> > Sardar >>quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets
> hot
> all
> I
> > have to do >>is roll down the window."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
> > He didn't know which >"one" came first...
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver? He missed the Earth!