joke

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
You are driving along on a wild stormy night. You
> pass by a bus stop,
> >and you see three people waiting for the bus:
> >
> >1. An old lady who is about to die.
> >2. An old friend who once saved your life.
> >3. The perfect man/woman you have been dreaming
> about.
> >
> >Which one would you choose, knowing that there
> could only be one
> passenger
> >in your car.
> >This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once
> actually used as part of
> a
> >job application.
> >
> >You could pick up the old lady, because she is
> going to die, and thus
> >you should save her first;
> >or you could take the old friend because he once
> saved your life, and
> >this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
> >However, you may never be able to find your perfect
> dream lover again.
> >
> >The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants)
> had no trouble
> >coming up with his answer. Think before you
> continue reading.
> >Think about it then scroll down,,,,,,,,,
> >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > WHAT DID HE SAY?
> >
> >He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to
> my old friend, and
> let
> >him take the lady to the hospital.
> >I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the
> woman of my dreams."
> >
> >Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up
> our stubborn thought
> >limitations (think "out of the box").
> >
> >
>
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
i,

FACTS TO MAKE EVERY INDIAN PROUD

Who is the co-founder of Sun Microsystems?
Vinod Khosla

Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no
introduction as 90% of the
todays computers run on it)?
Vinod Dahm

Who is the third richest man on the world?
According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it
is AZIM PREMJI,
who is the CEO of Wipro Industries.
The Sultan of Brunei is at 6th position now.

Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is
worlds No.1 web
based email program)?
Sabeer Bhatia

Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell
Labs is the
creator
of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a
few)?
Arun Netravalli

Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard?
Rajiv Gupta

Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of
Windows 2000,
responsible to iron out all initial problems?
Sanjay Tejwrika

Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey &
Stanchart?
Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups
in America, even
faring better than the whites and the natives. There
are 3.22 millions
of
Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.
12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.
34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are Indians.

You may know some of the following facts. These facts
were recently
published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD
HISTORY FACTS
ABOUT
INDIA.

01. India never invaded any country in her last 1000
years of history.

02. India invented the Number system. Aryabhatta
invented zero.

03. The worlds first University was established in
Takshila in 700BC.
More
than 10,500 students from all over the world studied
more than 60
subjects.
The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century BC
was one of the
greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of
education.

04. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the
most suitable
language
for computer software.

05. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known
to humans.

06. Although western media portray modern images of
India as poverty
striken
and underdeveloped through political corruption, India
was once the
richest
empire on earth.

07. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh
5000 years ago.
The
very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word
NAVGATIH.

08. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana,
and he explained
the
concept of what is now known as the Pythagorean
Theorem. British
scholars
have last year (1999) officially published that
Budhayans works dates
to the
6th Century, which is long before the European
mathematicians.

09. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from
India. Quadratic
equations
were by Sridharacharya in the 11th Century; the
largest numbers the
Greeks
and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used
numbers as big as
1053.

10. According to the Gemmological Institute of
America, up until 1896,
India
was the only source of diamonds to the world.

11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a
century-old suspicion
amongst
academics that the pioneer of wireless communication
was Professor
Jagdeesh
Bose and not Marconi.

12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was
built in
Saurashtra.

13. Chess was invented in India.

14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago
he and health
scientists of his time conducted surgeries like
cesareans, cataract,
fractures and urinary stones. Usage of anaesthesia was
well known in
ancient
India.

15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic
forest dwellers
over
5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture
in Sindhu Valley
(Indus
Valley Civilisation).

16. The place value system, the decimal system was
developed in India
in 100
BC.

Quotes about India.
We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to
count, without which
no
worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
Albert Einstein.

India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace
of human speech,
the
mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the
great grand mother
of
tradition.
Mark Twain.

If there is one place on the face of earth where all
dreams of living
men
have found a home from the very earliest days when man
began the dream
of
existence, it is India.
French scholar Romain Rolland.

India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20
centuries without
ever
having to send a single soldier across her border.
Hu Shih.
(Former Chinese ambassador to USA)


ALL OF THE ABOVE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG, THE
LIST COULD BE
ENDLESS
BUT, if we dont see even a glimpse of that great India
in the India
that we
see today, it clearly means that we are not working up
to our
potential; and
that if we do, we could once again be an ever shining
and inspiring
country
setting a bright path for rest of the world to follow.
I hope you
enjoyed it
and work towards the welfare of INDIA.

Say proudly, I AM AN INDIAN.
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Subject: Upcomming IT movies
>
> > >> Upcoming IT movies ...
> > >>>
> > >>> * Java wale job le jayenge
> > >>> * Aao chat kare
> > >>> * Programmer no 1
> > >>>
> > >>> * Memory aur hard disk
> > >>> * H1 ko aane do
> > >>> * Mouse ka gulam
> > >>> * Skill apana apana
> > >>> * Hum aapke meomory mein rahate hain
> > >>> * Do pocessor barah terminal
> > >>>
> > >>> * Password Apana Apana
> > >>> * Hum Hai Programmer Oracle ke
> > >>> * Ek programmer do body shopper
> > >>> * H1 se Citizenship tak
> > >>>
> > >>> * Mera code chal gaya
> > >>> * Har Din jo mail Karega
> > >>> * Mera Resume Kora kagaj
> > >>>
> > >>> * Khel Virus ka
> > >>> * Programmer bane Bodyshopper
> > >>> * Network Ke Ush Paar
> > >>> * Aayi Production Ki Bela
> > >>>
> > >>> * Do Gateways
> > >>> * Debugging koi Khel nahi
> > >>> * Helpdesk ki Aatma (Ramasay bandhu ki Horror film)
> > >>> * Mera naam developer
> > >>> * Kaho na Bench hai
> > >>>
> > >>> * Crash kar di aaapne
> > >>> * Pati patni aur computer
> > >>> * Deployment ki raat
> > >>> * Hum WALK-IN ja chuke sanam
> > >>> * Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hain
> > >>> * Hum To US jaayega
> > >>> * Aa ab KUCH KAAM kare
> > >>>
> > >>> * Raju ban gaya IT MAN..!
> > >>> * Dekhte Dekhte Connection mil Gaya
> > >>> * Ish Bench ki subah kab hogii
> > >>> * Client ek numbari PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
> > >>>
> > >>> * Login karo sajana
> > >>> * Interview ke Sapane
> > >>> * Hackers ke Site par Hacker
> > >>> * Experience Bina H1
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they saw a five storey hotel with a sign that read, "For Women Only."

Since they were without their boyfriends, they decided to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explained to
them how it worked." We have 5 floors... go up floor by
floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can
stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs
telling you what's inside."

So they started going up, and on the first floor the sign
read, "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are
sensitive and kind." The friends laughed and without
hesitation moved on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor read, "All the men here are
wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly".

This wasn't going to do, so the friends moved up to the third
floor where the sign read, "All the men here are great lovers
and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good but
there were still two more floors.

On to the fourth floor, the sign was Perfect. "All the men
here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to
women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and
straight."

The women seemed pleased but they decided that they would
rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they
settled for the fourth. When they reached the fifth floor,
the sign read: "There are no men here. This floor was built
only to prove that it is impossible to please a woman."
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Subject: FW: sardar
Importance: High
Subject: sardar
> Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> "Sure."
> "Give me a green one, please."
>
> **********************
> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
> "Just a sec," says the rep.
> "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
>
> **********************
> Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> promptly
> filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
> Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to
> what to
> be filled there. After much thought he wrote :
> Yes
> **********************
> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
> crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a
> search
> is
> being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
> huge
> one.
> He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
> and
> *again* barefoot!"
>
> **********************
> A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks the
> clerk,
> "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos
> flask."
> The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
> The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things
> cold."
> The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
>
> The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
> His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with
> you?"
> He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> The boss then says, "What does it do?"
>
> He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
> The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
>
> **********************
> A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in
> Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
> complaints
> like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
>
> ********************
> What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
>
> *********************
> What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of
> paper
> ?
> (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
>
> *******************
>
> Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were
> planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get
> Punjab
> from India but how would we develop it?"
> That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
> problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be
> a
> state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds
> became
> happy at this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a
> single
> word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH!
> THAT'S
> ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
>
> ********************** 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
> Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
> "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
> "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
> He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style,
> and returned to tell the salesman
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
> "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete
> disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new
> outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he
> again approached the salesman.
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
> Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
>
> **********************
> Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
> Because below 18 was not allowed.
>
> **********************
> How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
>
> Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
>
> **********************
> How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
>
> **********************
> What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over
> his ears?
> Trying to hold on to a thought.
>
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > > >> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > > >> > > They always forget the recipe.
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > > >> > > He threw it off a cliff.
> > **********************> > >> > > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > > >> > > A wind tunnel.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > > >> > > The back of his head.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > > >> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
> > > > >> > > Just-one Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > > >> > > They think their picture is being taken.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > > >> > > Toes Go In First.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > > >> > > It has a stamp on it.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > > >> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > > >> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > > >> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > > >> > > You always hear about them but you never see them.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> opposed
> to
> > a > > >>regular > > >> > > one?
> > > > >> > > You have to hollow out the head.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> kilometers
> a
> day
> > for > 300 > > >> > > days, he would loose 34 kilos. > > >> > > At
> the
> end
> > of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he > had > >
> >>lost
> > >
>
> > >> > > the weight, but he had a problem.
> > > > >> > > "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
> > > > >> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> >
> > > > >> > >> > >> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a
> railway
> > station.
> > > > >> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> Ludhiana?"
> > > > >> > > "No," answers the Railway man.
> > > > >> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> Dinosaurs
> > > start > > >> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> >
> >
> >>
> > > > friend asks him
> > "Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha > hai > > >> > >
> cinema
> hi
> > to hai"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki
> cinema
>
> > hai > lekin > > >> > > voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************>
> > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> tracks
> and
> > he > > >> > > takesalong some wine and chicken with him. > > >> > >
> > Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe >
> ho?"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook
> se
> na
> >
> > marjaun"
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> sleepy
> so
> he
> > > gave > > >> > > the guy sitting opposite him on
> > > > >> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> arrived.
> > This > guy > > >>was > > >> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20
> Rupees,
>
> > the > > >> > > Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
> Sardarji
> fell
>
> > asleep, > the > > >> > > barber quietly shaved off his beard.
> >
> > When the station arrived, the > > >> > > Sardarji was woken up, and
> he
> went
> > home. Reaching home, he went to > wash > > >> > > his face, and
> suddenly
> > screamed > > >> > > when he saw the mirror.
> > > > >> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?"
> > Replied he "The cheat on the > train > > >>has > > >> > > taken my
> 20
>
> > rupees and woken up someone else"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> knees
> and
> >
> > started > > >> > > thanking God. > > >> > > A passerby saw him and
> asked,
>
> > "Your donkey is missing; what are you > > >> > > thanking God for
> ?"
> > >
> >>
> > > > The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I
> >
>
> > wasn't > > >> > > riding the donkey at that > > >> > > time,
> otherwise I
>
> > would have been missing too."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
> > certificate
> > > > >> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
> > > > >> > > "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
> Sikh?"
> > " Aah, > > >>I > > >> > > read a > > >> > > newspaper, it says
> that
> every
> > 4th person born on the Earth now is > a > > >> > > Chinese."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> the
> outer
> > > space.
> > > > >> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
> (it's
> the
> >
> > barking > > >> > > sound)
> > > > >> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > > >> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > > >> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > > >> > > "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> has
> a
> > Clock > Tower > > >> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy
> the
> > clock on the Tower. > > >> > > Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a > > >> > > ladder." > > >> > > The man
> took
> the
> > thousand and disappeared. Having waited for > several > > >>hours >
> >
> >>
> >
> > > the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
> >
> >
> > >>Sardarji > > >> > > is again walking along the same street and
> the
> same
>
> > man asks him to > buy > > >> > > the clock. > > >> > > "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji > gives > > >> > >
> him
> the
>
> > thousand > > >> > > and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait
> and
> I'll
> > go get a > > >>ladder."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> managed
> to
> > > get > > >>into > > >> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh
> somehow
>
> > managed to get a bottom > seat, > > >> > > But unfortunate Banta
> got
>
> > pushed to the top.
> >
> > After a while when > the > > >>rush > > >> > > was over, Santa went
> > upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He > > >> > > met Banta in a
> bad
>
> > condition clutching the seats in front with > both > > >> > >
> hands,
>
> > scared to death. > > >> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the
> heck's
>
> > goin' on? > > >> > > Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride
> down
> > there ?
> > > > >> > > Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> doctor
> > asked > him > > >> > > what had happened to his ears and he
> answered,
> " I
>
> > was ironing a > shirt > > >> > > and the phone rang - but instead
> of
> > picking up the phone > > >> > > I accidentally picked up the iron
> and
> > stuck it to my ear."
> > > > >> > > " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
> > > > >> > > "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > > >> > > "The scoundrel called back."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there
> on
> > time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing
> officer.
> > Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and
> then
> > starts asking him questions.
> >
> > Following is the transcript :
> > O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials
> I
> would
> > like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those
> then
> > you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
> > S : Yes Sir.
> > Officer started asking questions
> > O : Above
> > S : Below
> > O : Front
> > S : Back
> > O : Left
> > S : Right
> > O : Male
> > S : Female
> > O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
> > S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
> > O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
> > S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
> > O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
> > S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......
> > Our Sardar also shouts)
> > Officer is now angry.
> > O : Get out
> > S : Come in.
> > O : Quiet please.
> > S : Talk please.
> > O : You are rejected.
> > S : I am selected
> > ....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating >>>
> >he
> > goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin
> > >>> >instead.
> > >>> >The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar
> >>>
> >rahe
> > ho?"
> > >>> >To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya
> >>>
> > >hai, "Wash Basin".
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the
> >>>
> > >telephone.
> > >>> >"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of
> >>>
> > >the night."
> > >>> >"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the >>>
> > >telephone anyway."
> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette
> butt
> >>>
> > >down the manhole and tried to step on it.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first
> >>>
> > >match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
> > >>> >He tried another. It wouldn't light. >>> >The third one
> finally
> lit.
>
> > He lit his cigarette, carefully blew >>> >the match out and put it
> in
> his
>
> > vest pocket.
> > >>> >"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
> > >>> >"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >
> > >>> >A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a >>>
> > >bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing.
> > >>> >The bystander: A Marathon race is going on >>> >Sardar: What
> do
> they
>
> > get from that?
> > >>> >Bystander : The winner will get a prize
> > >>> >Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
> > >>> >
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his >>> >
> > binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a
> > >>> > DISTANT relative of his...
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma
> >>>
>
> > >bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices >>>
> >will be
>
> > costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the >>> >price.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor
> >>>
> > >told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can >>>
> >give
> for
>
> > Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar
> >>>
>
> > >bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally >>>
> >vendor
>
> > out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the >>> >stereo free
> of
> > cost.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to >>>
> >Austin
> to
> > claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.>>> >
> > >>> >Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million.">>> >
> >
> > >>> >The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give
> >>>
> >you
> > a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out >>> >for
> the
> next
>
> > 19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won
> >>>
> >it
>
> > and I want it."
> >
> > Again, the man explained that he would >>> >only get a million that
> day
> and
> > the rest during the next >>> >19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want >>>
> >my
>
> > money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
> > >>> >right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip >>>
> >of
> his
> > index finger blown off.>>> >
> > >>> >"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.>>> >
> > >>> >"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.>>>
> >
> > >>> >The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
> >>>
>
> > >finger?" >>> >
> > >>> >"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my
> >>>
> >face
> > would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I
> > >>> >thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened.
> >>>
> >So
> > then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going
> > >>> >to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear >>>
> >before
> I
> > pulled the trigger.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his
> son
> were
> > >returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express. Santa Singh was
> occupying
> the
> > >lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most
> berth in
>
> > >the train.
> > >When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the
> son
> > >requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which
> Santa
>
> > >readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
> South
>
> > >Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
> > >Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE
> requested
> > >that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it would be better
> if
>
> > Santa >Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
> > Santa Singh >explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not
> giving
> > berth to my >child."
> >
> > >>> >**********************
> > >A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
> flying
> > >overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
> over
> him.
> > The >Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
> up
> and
>
> > >says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
> > >Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
> > >Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
> > >assigned to.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his checks so no one
> else
> > could >>use them if he lost his checkbook?
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him
> all
> of
> > their >burnt out light bulbs?
> > He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a >Darkroom.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
> > "Why", his friend Santa >Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
> jackets?".
> > "Because," said Banta >Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put
> on
> two
>
> > coats'."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
> middle
> of
> > a >highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
> three
>
> > miles; >the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked
> the
> > Sardar why he >>kept painting less each day, he replied
> > >"I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away
> from
> the
> > >paint can."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
> > >They're there for those who don't drink.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
> > So that when they're on the >train they can tell if they're going
> to
> work
>
> > or coming home.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They
> were
>
> > >driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had
> nothing
> > else >they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they
> continued
> their
> > >journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the
> seat,
> and
> > >the Sardar took the door. >
> >
> > >After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm
> confused,
> why
> > >>did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese responded, "If I get
> thirsty,
> I
> > >can drink the fluid."
> > >
> > >Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So
> the
> > >British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I
> can
> sit
> > >on this comfortable seat."
> > >
> > >Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
> The
> > Sardar >>quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets
> hot
> all
> I
> > have to do >>is roll down the window."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
> > He didn't know which >"one" came first...
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver? He missed the Earth!
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Subject: FW: sardar
Importance: High
Subject: sardar
> Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
> "Sure."
> "Give me a green one, please."
>
> **********************
> Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
> "Just a sec," says the rep.
> "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
>
> **********************
> Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He
> promptly
> filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
> Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to
> what to
> be filled there. After much thought he wrote :
> Yes
> **********************
> Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of
> crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a
> search
> is
> being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a
> huge
> one.
> He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st
> and
> *again* barefoot!"
>
> **********************
> A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks the
> clerk,
> "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos
> flask."
> The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
> The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things
> cold."
> The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
>
> The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
> His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with
> you?"
> He said, "It's a thermos flask."
> The boss then says, "What does it do?"
>
> He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
> The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
> The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
>
> **********************
> A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in
> Punjab, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
> complaints
> like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
>
> ********************
> What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
> He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
>
> *********************
> What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of
> paper
> ?
> (he already has one and he wants one more..)
> He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!!
>
> *******************
>
> Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were
> planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get
> Punjab
> from India but how would we develop it?"
> That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No
> problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be
> a
> state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds
> became
> happy at this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a
> single
> word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH!
> THAT'S
> ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
>
> ********************** 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
> Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
> "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
> "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
> He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style,
> and returned to tell the salesman
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
> "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete
> disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new
> outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he
> again approached the salesman.
> "I would like to buy this TV."
> "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
> Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
> "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
>
> **********************
> Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?
> Because below 18 was not allowed.
>
> **********************
> How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
> Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
> Pull the pin and throw it back.
>
> **********************
> What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
>
> Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
>
> **********************
> How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
> Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
>
> **********************
> What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over
> his ears?
> Trying to hold on to a thought.
>
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
> > > > >> > > So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
> > > > >> > > They always forget the recipe.
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
> > > > >> > > He threw it off a cliff.
> > **********************> > >> > > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
> > > > >> > > A wind tunnel.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
> > > > >> > > The back of his head.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?
> > > > >> > > Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?
> > > > >> > > Just-one Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
> > > > >> > > They think their picture is being taken.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
> > > > >> > > Toes Go In First.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************
> > > > >> > > How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
> > > > >> > > It has a stamp on it.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why can't Sardar dial 911?
> > > > >> > > They can not find the eleven on the phone
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > How do you get Sardar on the roof?
> > > > >> > > Tell him the drinks are on the house.
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > "Oh, look at the dead bird."
> > > > >> > > Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > **********************> > >> >
> >
> > > > >> > > What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
> > > > >> > > You always hear about them but you never see them.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as
> opposed
> to
> > a > > >>regular > > >> > > one?
> > > > >> > > You have to hollow out the head.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight
> kilometers
> a
> day
> > for > 300 > > >> > > days, he would loose 34 kilos. > > >> > > At
> the
> end
> > of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he > had > >
> >>lost
> > >
>
> > >> > > the weight, but he had a problem.
> > > > >> > > "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
> > > > >> > > "I'm 2400 kms from home."
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> >
> > > > >> > >> > >> > > Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a
> railway
> > station.
> > > > >> > > Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to
> Ludhiana?"
> > > > >> > > "No," answers the Railway man.
> > > > >> > > "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the
> Dinosaurs
> > > start > > >> > > approaching he is cowering in his seat when his
> >
> >
> >>
> > > > friend asks him
> > "Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha > hai > > >> > >
> cinema
> hi
> > to hai"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki
> cinema
>
> > hai > lekin > > >> > > voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************>
> > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway
> tracks
> and
> > he > > >> > > takesalong some wine and chicken with him. > > >> > >
> > Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe >
> ho?"
> > > > >> > > Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook
> se
> na
> >
> > marjaun"
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >
> **********************
> > > > >> > > Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt
> sleepy
> so
> he
> > > gave > > >> > > the guy sitting opposite him on
> > > > >> > > the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station
> arrived.
> > This > guy > > >>was > > >> > > a barber, and he felt that for 20
> Rupees,
>
> > the > > >> > > Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the
> Sardarji
> fell
>
> > asleep, > the > > >> > > barber quietly shaved off his beard.
> >
> > When the station arrived, the > > >> > > Sardarji was woken up, and
> he
> went
> > home. Reaching home, he went to > wash > > >> > > his face, and
> suddenly
> > screamed > > >> > > when he saw the mirror.
> > > > >> > > Said his wife " What's the matter?"
> > Replied he "The cheat on the > train > > >>has > > >> > > taken my
> 20
>
> > rupees and woken up someone else"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his
> knees
> and
> >
> > started > > >> > > thanking God. > > >> > > A passerby saw him and
> asked,
>
> > "Your donkey is missing; what are you > > >> > > thanking God for
> ?"
> > >
> >>
> > > > The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I
> >
>
> > wasn't > > >> > > riding the donkey at that > > >> > > time,
> otherwise I
>
> > would have been missing too."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth
> > certificate
> > > > >> > > "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
> > > > >> > > "How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are
> Sikh?"
> > " Aah, > > >>I > > >> > > read a > > >> > > newspaper, it says
> that
> every
> > 4th person born on the Earth now is > a > > >> > > Chinese."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to
> the
> outer
> > > space.
> > > > >> > > The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!"
> (it's
> the
> >
> > barking > > >> > > sound)
> > > > >> > > "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
> > > > >> > > "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
> > > > >> > > "Sardarji!" "Woof."
> > > > >> > > "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which
> has
> a
> > Clock > Tower > > >> > > when someone asks him if he wants to buy
> the
> > clock on the Tower. > > >> > > Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a > > >> > > ladder." > > >> > > The man
> took
> the
> > thousand and disappeared. Having waited for > several > > >>hours >
> >
> >>
> >
> > > the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
> >
> >
> > >>Sardarji > > >> > > is again walking along the same street and
> the
> same
>
> > man asks him to > buy > > >> > > the clock. > > >> > > "Give me a
> thousand
> > rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji > gives > > >> > >
> him
> the
>
> > thousand > > >> > > and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait
> and
> I'll
> > go get a > > >>ladder."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************> > >> > >
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They
> managed
> to
> > > get > > >>into > > >> > > a double-decker bus. Santa Singh
> somehow
>
> > managed to get a bottom > seat, > > >> > > But unfortunate Banta
> got
>
> > pushed to the top.
> >
> > After a while when > the > > >>rush > > >> > > was over, Santa went
> > upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He > > >> > > met Banta in a
> bad
>
> > condition clutching the seats in front with > both > > >> > >
> hands,
>
> > scared to death. > > >> > > He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the
> heck's
>
> > goin' on? > > >> > > Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride
> down
> > there ?
> > > > >> > > Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > > > >> > > Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The
> doctor
> > asked > him > > >> > > what had happened to his ears and he
> answered,
> " I
>
> > was ironing a > shirt > > >> > > and the phone rang - but instead
> of
> > picking up the phone > > >> > > I accidentally picked up the iron
> and
> > stuck it to my ear."
> > > > >> > > " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
> > > > >> > > "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
> > > > >> > > "The scoundrel called back."
> > > > >> > >
> > **********************
> > Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there
> on
> > time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing
> officer.
> > Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and
> then
> > starts asking him questions.
> >
> > Following is the transcript :
> > O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials
> I
> would
> > like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those
> then
> > you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
> > S : Yes Sir.
> > Officer started asking questions
> > O : Above
> > S : Below
> > O : Front
> > S : Back
> > O : Left
> > S : Right
> > O : Male
> > S : Female
> > O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
> > S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
> > O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
> > S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
> > O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
> > S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y......
> > Our Sardar also shouts)
> > Officer is now angry.
> > O : Get out
> > S : Come in.
> > O : Quiet please.
> > S : Talk please.
> > O : You are rejected.
> > S : I am selected
> > ....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating >>>
> >he
> > goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin
> > >>> >instead.
> > >>> >The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar
> >>>
> >rahe
> > ho?"
> > >>> >To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya
> >>>
> > >hai, "Wash Basin".
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the
> >>>
> > >telephone.
> > >>> >"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
> > >>> >"No, this is eleven eleven."
> > >>> >"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of
> >>>
> > >the night."
> > >>> >"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the >>>
> > >telephone anyway."
> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette
> butt
> >>>
> > >down the manhole and tried to step on it.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first
> >>>
> > >match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.
> > >>> >He tried another. It wouldn't light. >>> >The third one
> finally
> lit.
>
> > He lit his cigarette, carefully blew >>> >the match out and put it
> in
> his
>
> > vest pocket.
> > >>> >"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
> > >>> >"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >
> > >>> >A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a >>>
> > >bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing.
> > >>> >The bystander: A Marathon race is going on >>> >Sardar: What
> do
> they
>
> > get from that?
> > >>> >Bystander : The winner will get a prize
> > >>> >Sardar : Then why are the others running?!
> > >>> >
> > >>> >**************************************************************
> > >>> >Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his >>> >
> > binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a
> > >>> > DISTANT relative of his...
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma
> >>>
>
> > >bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices >>>
> >will be
>
> > costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the >>> >price.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor
> >>>
> > >told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can >>>
> >give
> for
>
> > Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar
> >>>
>
> > >bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally >>>
> >vendor
>
> > out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the >>> >stereo free
> of
> > cost.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >"Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >>> >A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to >>>
> >Austin
> to
> > claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.>>> >
> > >>> >Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million.">>> >
> >
> > >>> >The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give
> >>>
> >you
> > a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out >>> >for
> the
> next
>
> > 19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won
> >>>
> >it
>
> > and I want it."
> >
> > Again, the man explained that he would >>> >only get a million that
> day
> and
> > the rest during the next >>> >19 years.>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want >>>
> >my
>
> > money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million
> > >>> >right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
> >
> > **********************>>> >
> > >>> >Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip >>>
> >of
> his
> > index finger blown off.>>> >
> > >>> >"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.>>> >
> > >>> >"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.>>>
> >
> > >>> >The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your
> >>>
>
> > >finger?" >>> >
> > >>> >"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my
> >>>
> >face
> > would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I
> > >>> >thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened.
> >>>
> >So
> > then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going
> > >>> >to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear >>>
> >before
> I
> > pulled the trigger.
> > >>> >
> > **********************
> > >After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his
> son
> were
> > >returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express. Santa Singh was
> occupying
> the
> > >lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most
> berth in
>
> > >the train.
> > >When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the
> son
> > >requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which
> Santa
>
> > >readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a
> South
>
> > >Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
> > >Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE
> requested
> > >that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it would be better
> if
>
> > Santa >Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
> > Santa Singh >explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not
> giving
> > berth to my >child."

> >
> > >>> >**********************
> > >A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird
> flying
> > >overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly
> over
> him.
> > The >Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it
> up
> and
>
> > >says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
> > >Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
> > >Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been
> > >assigned to.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his checks so no one
> else
> > could >>use them if he lost his checkbook?
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him
> all
> of
> > their >burnt out light bulbs?
> > He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a >Darkroom.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
> > "Why", his friend Santa >Singh asked him, "are you wearing two
> jackets?".
> > "Because," said Banta >Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put
> on
> two
>
> > coats'."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the
> middle
> of
> > a >highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day
> three
>
> > miles; >the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked
> the
> > Sardar why he >>kept painting less each day, he replied
> > >"I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away
> from
> the
> > >paint can."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
> > >They're there for those who don't drink.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
> > So that when they're on the >train they can tell if they're going
> to
> work
>
> > or coming home.
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They
> were
>
> > >driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had
> nothing
> > else >they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they
> continued
> their
> > >journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the
> seat,
> and
> > >the Sardar took the door. >
> >
> > >After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm
> confused,
> why
> > >>did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese responded, "If I get
> thirsty,
> I
> > >can drink the fluid."
> > >
> > >Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So
> the
> > >British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I
> can
> sit
> > >on this comfortable seat."
> > >
> > >Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
> The
> > Sardar >>quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets
> hot
> all
> I
> > have to do >>is roll down the window."
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
> > He didn't know which >"one" came first...
> > >
> > **********************>
> > >Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver? He missed the Earth!
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
---------------------------------------------- File 001 ------------------------------------------------------
IN A COUNTRY OF 100 CRORES ...

The population of INDIA is 100 crores.
17 crores are retired. That leaves 83 crores to do the work.
There are 25 crores in schools, which leaves 58 crores to do the work.
Of this, there are 23 crores employed by the Central Govt. & 20 crores by the State Govts., leaving 15 crores to do the work.
3 crores are in the ArmedForces, which leaves 12 crores to do the work.
Total unemployed are 10 crores. That leaves 2 crores to do the work.
At any given time, there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals leaving 80,00,000 to do the work.
Right now, there are 79,99,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
YOU and ME!
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!!!
That means the entire workload of this country is on my shoulders (no wonder they are aching!)
So come on,...........get to work!!!

---------------------------------------------- File 002 ------------------------------------------------------

10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-
Just try to recall the number of times u were there asking the
obvious...

1.At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well,it's so hot,there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch
some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2.In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try
again or should i try this time?"

3.At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people asks
Stupid Question:-Why, why him - of all people!
Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you?

4.At a restaurant:When someone asks the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. Occasionally, v also spit in it.

5.At a family get-together:When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6.When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating,insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7.When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win.What do 'you' think?

8.When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed oblects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.

10.You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke?
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ............it was a chalk and now it's on
fire.



---------------------------------------------- File 003 ------------------------------------------------------
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
>--------------------------------------------------------
>
>* Q: What is your date of birth?
>* A: July fifteenth.
>* Q: What year?
>* A: Every year.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>* A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>* A: I forget.
>* Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
>forgotten?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>* A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>* Q: How long has he lived with you?
>* A: Forty-five years.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
> that morning?
>* A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>* Q: And why did that upset you?
>* A: My name is Susan.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>* A: Approximately milepost 499.
>* Q: And where is milepost 499?
>* A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
>* A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
>* A: After the accident?
>* Q: Before the accident.
>* A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
>or the
>occult?
>* A: We both do.
>* Q: Voodoo?
>* A: We do.
>* Q: You do?
>* A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>* A: Yes, sir.
>* Q: What did she say?
>* A: What disco am I at?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: She had three children, right?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: How many were boys?
>* A: None.
>* Q: Were there any girls?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>* A: By death.
>* Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Can you describe the individual?
>* A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>* Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
>* A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>* A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>* A: Oral.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>* A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>* Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>* A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
>
>
>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
>* A: No.
>* Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>* A: No.
>* Q: Did you check for breathing?
>* A: No.
>* Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
>* A: No.
>* Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>* A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>* Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>* A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law somewhere.


---------------------------------------------- File 004 ------------------------------------------------------
There are some uncomfortable questions that you might expect from your
children just as your parents expected from you.
Cheers!!!
The below could be an answer to what your kid may ask you in future :

Son (S): Why is making love so enjoyable?
Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your
nose with your finger !!

S: Why do women enjoy more than men?
F: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort
than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else comes
over and digs your nose, do you like it ??

S: Why woman cannot have . . . when they are having menses?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??

S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love?
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why is making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig your nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: WAAO ... father you are GREAT!



---------------------------------------------- File 005 ------------------------------------------------------
Henry Ford and God
> > >> >
> > >> > Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets
> > >> > Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your
> > >> > invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the
world.
> > >> > As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
> > >> > Ford thinks about it, and says, I want to hang out with God
> > >> > Himself." So, befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room,
and
> > >> > introduces him to God.
> > >> > Ford then asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were You
> > >> > thinking?"God asks, "What do you mean?"
> > >> > "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in you
> > >> > invention:
> > >> >
> > >> > 1. There's too much front end protrusion.
> > >> > 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
> > >> > 3. Maintenance is extremely high.
> > >> > 4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
> > >> > 5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 days out of every
> > >> > 28 days
> > >> > 6. The rear end wobbles too much.
> > >> > 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
> > >> > 8. The headlights are usually too small.
> > >> > 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
> > >> > Just to name a few."
> > >> > "Hmmmm...," replies God. "Hold on a minute."
> > >> > God goes over to the Celestial Super computer, types in a
> > >> > few keystrokes
> > >> > and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out
> > >> > a report and God reads it.
> > >> > God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my
> > >> > invention is flawed, but according to these statistics,
> > >> > more men are riding my invention than yours."








---------------------------------------------- File 006 ------------------------------------------------------
THE PENIS...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I work head first
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Management:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position & often visit other areas.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe safety measures, such as wearing the correct
protective outfits.
You don't wait till pension age before retiring
You don't like working double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed
the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering &
leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!


---------------------------------------------- File 007 ------------------------------------------------------
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass,
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky,
Jill came back with a very sore crack,
Jack must have been a Yankee!

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill is now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high, pulled down his fly,
And Jill said, "Where's the beef!"
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
---------------------------------------------- File 001 ------------------------------------------------------
IN A COUNTRY OF 100 CRORES ...

The population of INDIA is 100 crores.
17 crores are retired. That leaves 83 crores to do the work.
There are 25 crores in schools, which leaves 58 crores to do the work.
Of this, there are 23 crores employed by the Central Govt. & 20 crores by the State Govts., leaving 15 crores to do the work.
3 crores are in the ArmedForces, which leaves 12 crores to do the work.
Total unemployed are 10 crores. That leaves 2 crores to do the work.
At any given time, there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals leaving 80,00,000 to do the work.
Right now, there are 79,99,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
YOU and ME!
And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes!!!
That means the entire workload of this country is on my shoulders (no wonder they are aching!)
So come on,...........get to work!!!

---------------------------------------------- File 002 ------------------------------------------------------

10 stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:-
Just try to recall the number of times u were there asking the
obvious...

1.At the movies:When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:-Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Well,it's so hot,there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch
some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2.In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try
again or should i try this time?"

3.At a funeral:One of the teary-eyed people asks
Stupid Question:-Why, why him - of all people!
Answer:-Why?Would it rather have been you?

4.At a restaurant:When someone asks the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good?
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. Occasionally, v also spit in it.

5.At a family get-together:When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6.When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating,insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7.When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win.What do 'you' think?

8.When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9.At the dentist when he's sticking pointed oblects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.

10.You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke?
Answer:-No, it's a miracle ............it was a chalk and now it's on
fire.



---------------------------------------------- File 003 ------------------------------------------------------
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:
>--------------------------------------------------------
>
>* Q: What is your date of birth?
>* A: July fifteenth.
>* Q: What year?
>* A: Every year.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
>* A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
>* A: I forget.
>* Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
>forgotten?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
>* A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>* Q: How long has he lived with you?
>* A: Forty-five years.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
> that morning?
>* A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
>* Q: And why did that upset you?
>* A: My name is Susan.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>* A: Approximately milepost 499.
>* Q: And where is milepost 499?
>* A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
>* A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
>* A: After the accident?
>* Q: Before the accident.
>* A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
>or the
>occult?
>* A: We both do.
>* Q: Voodoo?
>* A: We do.
>* Q: You do?
>* A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
>* A: Yes, sir.
>* Q: What did she say?
>* A: What disco am I at?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: She had three children, right?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: How many were boys?
>* A: None.
>* Q: Were there any girls?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>* A: Yes.
>* Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
>* A: By death.
>* Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Can you describe the individual?
>* A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>* Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
>* A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
>* A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
>* A: Oral.
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>* A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>* Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>* A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
>
>
>+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>* Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
> pulse?
>* A: No.
>* Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>* A: No.
>* Q: Did you check for breathing?
>* A: No.
>* Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
>* A: No.
>* Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>* A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>* Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>* A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
>practicing law somewhere.


---------------------------------------------- File 004 ------------------------------------------------------
There are some uncomfortable questions that you might expect from your
children just as your parents expected from you.
Cheers!!!
The below could be an answer to what your kid may ask you in future :

Son (S): Why is making love so enjoyable?
Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you are digging your
nose with your finger !!

S: Why do women enjoy more than men?
F: It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort
than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped?
F: It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else comes
over and digs your nose, do you like it ??

S: Why woman cannot have . . . when they are having menses?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??

S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love?
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why is making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig your nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: WAAO ... father you are GREAT!



---------------------------------------------- File 005 ------------------------------------------------------
Henry Ford and God
> > >> >
> > >> > Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the Gates, St. Peter greets
> > >> > Ford, and tells him, "Well, you've been such a good guy, and your
> > >> > invention...the assembly line for the automobile...changed the
world.
> > >> > As a reward, you can hang out with anyone in Heaven you want."
> > >> > Ford thinks about it, and says, I want to hang out with God
> > >> > Himself." So, befuddled St. Peter takes Ford to the Throne Room,
and
> > >> > introduces him to God.
> > >> > Ford then asks God, "When you invented Woman, what were You
> > >> > thinking?"God asks, "What do you mean?"
> > >> > "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in you
> > >> > invention:
> > >> >
> > >> > 1. There's too much front end protrusion.
> > >> > 2. It chatters way too much at high speeds.
> > >> > 3. Maintenance is extremely high.
> > >> > 4. It constantly needs repainting, and refinishing.
> > >> > 5. It is out of commission at least 5 or 6 days out of every
> > >> > 28 days
> > >> > 6. The rear end wobbles too much.
> > >> > 7. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust.
> > >> > 8. The headlights are usually too small.
> > >> > 9. Fuel consumption is outrageous.
> > >> > Just to name a few."
> > >> > "Hmmmm...," replies God. "Hold on a minute."
> > >> > God goes over to the Celestial Super computer, types in a
> > >> > few keystrokes
> > >> > and waits for the results. In no time the computer prints out
> > >> > a report and God reads it.
> > >> > God then turns to Ford, and says, "It may be that my
> > >> > invention is flawed, but according to these statistics,
> > >> > more men are riding my invention than yours."








---------------------------------------------- File 006 ------------------------------------------------------
THE PENIS...

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I work head first
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Response from Management:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for the following
reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position & often visit other areas.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe safety measures, such as wearing the correct
protective outfits.
You don't wait till pension age before retiring
You don't like working double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed
the day's work
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering &
leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags!


---------------------------------------------- File 007 ------------------------------------------------------
Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass,
And now two of his front teeth are missing.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill,
Each one had a quarter.
Jill came down with fifty cents,
Do you think they went for water?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
For a bit of hanky panky,
Jill came back with a very sore crack,
Jack must have been a Yankee!

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
For just an itty bitty.
Jill is now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jill forgot to take the pill,
So now they've got a daughter.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
With a little keg of brandy.
Jack got stewed, Jill got screwed,
Now it's Jack, and Jill, and Andy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To smoke a little leaf.
Jack got high, pulled down his fly,
And Jill said, "Where's the beef!"
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Subject: Upcomming IT movies
>
> > >> Upcoming IT movies ...
> > >>>
> > >>> * Java wale job le jayenge
> > >>> * Aao chat kare
> > >>> * Programmer no 1
> > >>>
> > >>> * Memory aur hard disk
> > >>> * H1 ko aane do
> > >>> * Mouse ka gulam
> > >>> * Skill apana apana
> > >>> * Hum aapke meomory mein rahate hain
> > >>> * Do pocessor barah terminal
> > >>>
> > >>> * Password Apana Apana
> > >>> * Hum Hai Programmer Oracle ke
> > >>> * Ek programmer do body shopper
> > >>> * H1 se Citizenship tak
> > >>>
> > >>> * Mera code chal gaya
> > >>> * Har Din jo mail Karega
> > >>> * Mera Resume Kora kagaj
> > >>>
> > >>> * Khel Virus ka
> > >>> * Programmer bane Bodyshopper
> > >>> * Network Ke Ush Paar
> > >>> * Aayi Production Ki Bela
> > >>>
> > >>> * Do Gateways
> > >>> * Debugging koi Khel nahi
> > >>> * Helpdesk ki Aatma (Ramasay bandhu ki Horror film)
> > >>> * Mera naam developer
> > >>> * Kaho na Bench hai
> > >>>
> > >>> * Crash kar di aaapne
> > >>> * Pati patni aur computer
> > >>> * Deployment ki raat
> > >>> * Hum WALK-IN ja chuke sanam
> > >>> * Jis Desh mein Bill(gates) rahata Hain
> > >>> * Hum To US jaayega
> > >>> * Aa ab KUCH KAAM kare
> > >>>
> > >>> * Raju ban gaya IT MAN..!
> > >>> * Dekhte Dekhte Connection mil Gaya
> > >>> * Ish Bench ki subah kab hogii
> > >>> * Client ek numbari PROGRAMMER Dus Nambari
> > >>>
> > >>> * Login karo sajana
> > >>> * Interview ke Sapane
> > >>> * Hackers ke Site par Hacker
> > >>> * Experience Bina H1
> > >>> * Firewall( Diwar)
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
the language of Bombay....
> 1. Binglish (for Bombay_English).
> 2. Bhindi (for Bombay_Hindi)
> 3. This list is perpetually incomplete since the
> evolution of this language can never possibly cease.
> 4. Bhindi/Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets
> following the words.
> 5. Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow.
> Chikna actually means smooth.
> 6. Keeda - An absolute pest.
> 7. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.
> 8. Haila ! - This originated from "Hai Allah !" but
> I don't think 99% of the users know about this.
> Haila
> would translate to "Oh God!"
> 9. ChappanTikkli/Punter/Tapori/Shana – Roadside
> loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used
> words in Bhindi.
> 10. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker
> - A Drunk.
> 11. Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.
> 12. Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the
> shop has more than one kid all would have to be
> Chotays.
> 13. Cutting - A little_more_than_half cup of Tea is
> a cutting. The Cutting concept would have been
> started by people who used to split a cup of tea
> between 2 people... and finally the tea vendor
> started
> selling half cup of tea and called it "cutting". A
> little_more_than_half is given to increase the
> patrons.
> 14. Dhapnya / Battery / double battery - Refers to a
> person wearing prescription glasses. Dhapnya is a
> marathi word. The Ghati way of saying this would be
> "bya-tree".
> 15. Hajaam - Hajaam in its true sense would mean a
> barber. It refers to anyone with a moronic
> intellect.
> 16. Rappak(stress on"pp") - means Slap.(eg.Kaan kay
> neechay rappak lagaoonga.)
> 17. Chinese Gaadi - No ! this is not a Chinese make
> of an automobile!! It’s the "Tapri" selling chinese
> food on the side of the road. You find one after
> every 10 meters. The best part is that all these
> Chinese
> Gaadis are red in color, have names like "Red Sun",
> "Red Dragon", "Fong's", or anything that sounds
> vaguely Chinese. The cook is normally a Nepali
> gurkha working as a night watchman in some nearby
> apartment complex. The only criteria to get a chef's
> job at a Chinese Gaadi is to have slanted eyes.
> 18. Mahim - Matunga / Vasai - Virar - This is a term
> used for squints. M-M and V-V are neighbouring
> localities in Bombay. The origin of this term is
> unknown.
> 19. Ghungroo Salmaan - This term is very new but
> catching on fast.Ghungroo refers to a curly haired
> guy. Salmaan (Khan) comes in the picture since the
> "Ghunroo Salmaan" fellow is obviously mistaking
> himself to be a Hindi film hero. It's used as a
> put-down.
> 20. AndhaDhuni/Aadva-Patta - These are a cricketing
> terms. AadvaPatta comes from Pune, means
> "Cross batted shot".AndhaDhuni means "Blind shot".
> But nowadays these refer to any guy who doesn't
> bat well.
> 21. Ghaati - Ghaatis are the residents of the
> hilly/rural regions of Maharashtra. In Bhindi, a
> Ghati would
> mean any person whose mother tongue is Marathi. It's
> quiet demeaning..... and thus heard more
> frequently.
> 22. Gujju / Ganda-Gujratis. The money men of Mumbai.
> These guys are easily spotted on the road -
> either in colorful shirts, embroidered trousers,
> against the mirror of a parked vehicle combing their
> hair, or something equally funny. These guys are the
> second largest community in Bombay after the
> Marathi-speaking people.
> 23. Madrasi - Madras is a place in the southern part
> of India. Madrasi refers to any guy from a place to
> the
> south of Maharashtra. Doesn't matter where he is
> from. If he is from Bangalore he is a Madrasi. If he
> is
> from Kerala he is still a Madrasi. Doesn't matter.
> And the best part of being a Madrasi is that you are
> supposed to eat idli sambar for breakfast, lunch,
> AND dinner. And rasam-chaval is supposed to be the
> favourite dish.
> 24. Pavwalla/Sausage - The Christians. This started
> because of the fact that they eat bread(pav) instead
> of
> chapatis. Sausage is a fairly new term and refers to
> a female (of the same faith). As Javed Jaffery
> would have immitated a Pav from Bandra: "What man !
> One Fataak Rap only I'll give you under your
> ear man." "Hey ! What she is looking yaar. See see."
> / "Bloody I am scared or what ? Go No... call
> anyone. Go Man!"
> 25. Gulti - This is a fairly new term. Used for
> people from Andhra Pradesh. The clue about its
> origin or
> actual meaning is the inverse spelling of
> telegu.(gu_le_te = gulti)
> 26. Bhaiya/Pandit - Any guy from UP / Bihar / MP /
> Delhi / Northern states is called a Bhaiya.Pandit is
> also used interchangeably but is mostly used for the
> guys at the Lassi/Doodh shops or for Panwallas.
> 27. Paapay/Papajee - A Sikh. Dont know what a paapay
> means. I am sure its not insulting or anything.
> 28. Bawa / Pestonjee - The Parsees. The most
> harmless. Jovial and great company. Definitely the
> most
> teased people on the Hindi silver screen. Every
> movie has to have at least one funny character
> called
> "Rustom" or "Pestonjee" who has to have a fat and an
> overtly boisterious wife. Incidently Parsees also
> are the most affluent and among the richest in the
> Indian community. Bombay is also called
> "ParseeSthan" since this is the place where you find
> most of them.
> 29. Cheena/ Chapata / Nepali / Shaab-babu ( 'sh' as
> in 'huSH' )- Any slant-eyed guy is called Cheena
> or Nepali. Doesn't matter if he is from Kerala and
> some genetic disorder messed up his eye. He would
> still be a Nepali. The best part is many of the
> north eastern states and even West Bengal have
> people
> with slant eyes. However, if they happen to land in
> Bombay, they would be from Nepal. The
> Chinese/Japs/Koreans all fall in the same category.
> Shaab-babu comes from the fact that these Nepali
> gurkhas call every other person they see
> "Shaab-babu". I wouldn't be too surprised to find
> out that they
> call their parents that too.
> 30. Sai ( Saa-eeen - the second part is increasingly
> nasal ) - The Sindhis. The Partition-time migrants
> from Pakistan. If a Hindi movie doesn't have a
> Parsee... a Sindhi has to come at some point to
> lighten
> the spirits. These guys are known for all the Papads
> they consume.
> 31. Mia-bhai - The members of the Islamic faith.
> 32. Bong / Bonglababu / Babumoshai ( pronunciation
> should have maximum sounds of "O" as possible )
> - for any Bangla.
> 33. Bambaiyya - Anything that relates to anything
> that even vaugely relates to Bombay. Bambaiyaa is
> something that every resident of Bombay would love
> to be called !
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
the language of Bombay....
> 1. Binglish (for Bombay_English).
> 2. Bhindi (for Bombay_Hindi)
> 3. This list is perpetually incomplete since the
> evolution of this language can never possibly cease.
> 4. Bhindi/Binglish: Pronunciations are in brackets
> following the words.
> 5. Chikna - Stands for any good looking fellow.
> Chikna actually means smooth.
> 6. Keeda - An absolute pest.
> 7. Jhakaas - Superb. Excellent.
> 8. Haila ! - This originated from "Hai Allah !" but
> I don't think 99% of the users know about this.
> Haila
> would translate to "Oh God!"
> 9. ChappanTikkli/Punter/Tapori/Shana – Roadside
> loafer. Tapori is among the most commonly used
> words in Bhindi.
> 10. Bevada / Gutter / Taankee / Batli / JohnnyWalker
> - A Drunk.
> 11. Saand - A boisterous or an exceeding brash guy.
> 12. Chotay - For any kid working in a Tapri. If the
> shop has more than one kid all would have to be
> Chotays.
> 13. Cutting - A little_more_than_half cup of Tea is
> a cutting. The Cutting concept would have been
> started by people who used to split a cup of tea
> between 2 people... and finally the tea vendor
> started
> selling half cup of tea and called it "cutting". A
> little_more_than_half is given to increase the
> patrons.
> 14. Dhapnya / Battery / double battery - Refers to a
> person wearing prescription glasses. Dhapnya is a
> marathi word. The Ghati way of saying this would be
> "bya-tree".
> 15. Hajaam - Hajaam in its true sense would mean a
> barber. It refers to anyone with a moronic
> intellect.
> 16. Rappak(stress on"pp") - means Slap.(eg.Kaan kay
> neechay rappak lagaoonga.)
> 17. Chinese Gaadi - No ! this is not a Chinese make
> of an automobile!! It’s the "Tapri" selling chinese
> food on the side of the road. You find one after
> every 10 meters. The best part is that all these
> Chinese
> Gaadis are red in color, have names like "Red Sun",
> "Red Dragon", "Fong's", or anything that sounds
> vaguely Chinese. The cook is normally a Nepali
> gurkha working as a night watchman in some nearby
> apartment complex. The only criteria to get a chef's
> job at a Chinese Gaadi is to have slanted eyes.
> 18. Mahim - Matunga / Vasai - Virar - This is a term
> used for squints. M-M and V-V are neighbouring
> localities in Bombay. The origin of this term is
> unknown.
> 19. Ghungroo Salmaan - This term is very new but
> catching on fast.Ghungroo refers to a curly haired
> guy. Salmaan (Khan) comes in the picture since the
> "Ghunroo Salmaan" fellow is obviously mistaking
> himself to be a Hindi film hero. It's used as a
> put-down.
> 20. AndhaDhuni/Aadva-Patta - These are a cricketing
> terms. AadvaPatta comes from Pune, means
> "Cross batted shot".AndhaDhuni means "Blind shot".
> But nowadays these refer to any guy who doesn't
> bat well.
> 21. Ghaati - Ghaatis are the residents of the
> hilly/rural regions of Maharashtra. In Bhindi, a
> Ghati would
> mean any person whose mother tongue is Marathi. It's
> quiet demeaning..... and thus heard more
> frequently.
> 22. Gujju / Ganda-Gujratis. The money men of Mumbai.
> These guys are easily spotted on the road -
> either in colorful shirts, embroidered trousers,
> against the mirror of a parked vehicle combing their
> hair, or something equally funny. These guys are the
> second largest community in Bombay after the
> Marathi-speaking people.
> 23. Madrasi - Madras is a place in the southern part
> of India. Madrasi refers to any guy from a place to
> the
> south of Maharashtra. Doesn't matter where he is
> from. If he is from Bangalore he is a Madrasi. If he
> is
> from Kerala he is still a Madrasi. Doesn't matter.
> And the best part of being a Madrasi is that you are
> supposed to eat idli sambar for breakfast, lunch,
> AND dinner. And rasam-chaval is supposed to be the
> favourite dish.
> 24. Pavwalla/Sausage - The Christians. This started
> because of the fact that they eat bread(pav) instead
> of
> chapatis. Sausage is a fairly new term and refers to
> a female (of the same faith). As Javed Jaffery
> would have immitated a Pav from Bandra: "What man !
> One Fataak Rap only I'll give you under your
> ear man." "Hey ! What she is looking yaar. See see."
> / "Bloody I am scared or what ? Go No... call
> anyone. Go Man!"
> 25. Gulti - This is a fairly new term. Used for
> people from Andhra Pradesh. The clue about its
> origin or
> actual meaning is the inverse spelling of
> telegu.(gu_le_te = gulti)
> 26. Bhaiya/Pandit - Any guy from UP / Bihar / MP /
> Delhi / Northern states is called a Bhaiya.Pandit is
> also used interchangeably but is mostly used for the
> guys at the Lassi/Doodh shops or for Panwallas.
> 27. Paapay/Papajee - A Sikh. Dont know what a paapay
> means. I am sure its not insulting or anything.
> 28. Bawa / Pestonjee - The Parsees. The most
> harmless. Jovial and great company. Definitely the
> most
> teased people on the Hindi silver screen. Every
> movie has to have at least one funny character
> called
> "Rustom" or "Pestonjee" who has to have a fat and an
> overtly boisterious wife. Incidently Parsees also
> are the most affluent and among the richest in the
> Indian community. Bombay is also called
> "ParseeSthan" since this is the place where you find
> most of them.
> 29. Cheena/ Chapata / Nepali / Shaab-babu ( 'sh' as
> in 'huSH' )- Any slant-eyed guy is called Cheena
> or Nepali. Doesn't matter if he is from Kerala and
> some genetic disorder messed up his eye. He would
> still be a Nepali. The best part is many of the
> north eastern states and even West Bengal have
> people
> with slant eyes. However, if they happen to land in
> Bombay, they would be from Nepal. The
> Chinese/Japs/Koreans all fall in the same category.
> Shaab-babu comes from the fact that these Nepali
> gurkhas call every other person they see
> "Shaab-babu". I wouldn't be too surprised to find
> out that they
> call their parents that too.
> 30. Sai ( Saa-eeen - the second part is increasingly
> nasal ) - The Sindhis. The Partition-time migrants
> from Pakistan. If a Hindi movie doesn't have a
> Parsee... a Sindhi has to come at some point to
> lighten
> the spirits. These guys are known for all the Papads
> they consume.
> 31. Mia-bhai - The members of the Islamic faith.
> 32. Bong / Bonglababu / Babumoshai ( pronunciation
> should have maximum sounds of "O" as possible )
> - for any Bangla.
> 33. Bambaiyya - Anything that relates to anything
> that even vaugely relates to Bombay. Bambaiyaa is
> something that every resident of Bombay would love
> to be called !
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
> Solve the puzzle :
>
> Once there was a conductor, of a bus, who was very
> rude to his passengers.
>
> One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,
> tried to board the bus, but the conductor didn't stop
> the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came
> under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers
> took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
> took him to the court.
>
> The judge was not at all impressed with the conductor
> and gave him capital punishment, i.e. to be
> electrocuted. He was taken to the electrocution
> chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the
> room and a single banana peel at one corner of the
> room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high
> current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement,
> he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he
> returned to his profession.
>
> After a few months, this time, a good looking middle
> aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor
> didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also,
> the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus
> and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took the
> conductor to the police station, who in turn took him
> to the court.
>
> The judge took a look at the conductor and gave him
> capital punishment. The conductor was taken to the
> same electrocution chamber where there was a single
> chair in the center of the room and a single banana
> peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the
> chair and high current was given to him. This time
> also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge
> decided to set him free, and he returned to his
> profession.
>
> A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried
> to board the bus. This time the conductor, remembering
> his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.
> Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and came
> under the bus. He also died on the spot. The conductor
> was taken to the police station and then to the court,
> to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything
> wrong, but considering his past record the judge
> decided to set an example and gave him capital
> punishment. The conductor was again taken to the same
> electrocution chamber where there was a single chair
> in the center of the room and a single banana peel at
> one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair
> and high current was given to him. This time he died
> instantly. The question is why didn't he die the first
> two time but died instantly the third time??
>
> The answer is given below .... but try to solve it
> yourselves. This is very interesting and the answer is
> perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle twice.
>
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
>
> Answer : During the first two times, the conductor was
> a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass
> through him. But during the third time, he was a Good
> Conductor, electricity passed through him freely and
> he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! DID YOU GET THE RIGHT
> ANSWER??????
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
> Solve the puzzle :
>
> Once there was a conductor, of a bus, who was very
> rude to his passengers.
>
> One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,
> tried to board the bus, but the conductor didn't stop
> the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came
> under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers
> took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
> took him to the court.
>
> The judge was not at all impressed with the conductor
> and gave him capital punishment, i.e. to be
> electrocuted. He was taken to the electrocution
> chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the
> room and a single banana peel at one corner of the
> room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high
> current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement,
> he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he
> returned to his profession.
>
> After a few months, this time, a good looking middle
> aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor
> didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also,
> the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus
> and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took the
> conductor to the police station, who in turn took him
> to the court.
>
> The judge took a look at the conductor and gave him
> capital punishment. The conductor was taken to the
> same electrocution chamber where there was a single
> chair in the center of the room and a single banana
> peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the
> chair and high current was given to him. This time
> also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge
> decided to set him free, and he returned to his
> profession.
>
> A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried
> to board the bus. This time the conductor, remembering
> his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.
> Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and came
> under the bus. He also died on the spot. The conductor
> was taken to the police station and then to the court,
> to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything
> wrong, but considering his past record the judge
> decided to set an example and gave him capital
> punishment. The conductor was again taken to the same
> electrocution chamber where there was a single chair
> in the center of the room and a single banana peel at
> one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair
> and high current was given to him. This time he died
> instantly. The question is why didn't he die the first
> two time but died instantly the third time??
>
> The answer is given below .... but try to solve it
> yourselves. This is very interesting and the answer is
> perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle twice.
>
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
> .
>
> Answer : During the first two times, the conductor was
> a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass
> through him. But during the third time, he was a Good
> Conductor, electricity passed through him freely and
> he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! DID YOU GET THE RIGHT
> ANSWER??????
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab.

We have got a computer in our home and we face some problem, which I
want to bring to your notice.

After connecting to Internet we planned to open an email account. But
whenever we fill the Form of Hotmail, in password field only "*" comes.

But in rest of the fields whatever we typed comes but we faced the
problem only in Password field.
We checked with Hardware vendor and he said that there is no problem in
keyboard.

Because of this we have opened the email account with password *****.
But I request u to check this as we our self don't know what is the
password!

The next one is that we are unable to enter anything after we shut down
the computer. There is a button for start but not for pause, stop as in
stereo recorder. We request u to add the same in future.

There is a option as RUN in menu. This one of my neighbor after
clicking started running and he has run upto Amritsar from Chandigarh. So we
request u change that to "SIT". So that we can click that by sitting.

One doubt is that can I click Recycle bin. I own a scooter in my home.
Is there a separate option as "Re scooter bin" available in the system?

In Microsoft outlook we are able to see the outer view of the mail. Is
there an in look through which we can have inner view of the mail?

The last one is my wife has lost the door key of our house. So I
searched for the same in "SEARCH" option of start icon. But I did not find
the same there also. Is it a bug?

Rest In next letter.
Yours Anonymously,
Banta Singh
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab.

We have got a computer in our home and we face some problem, which I
want to bring to your notice.

After connecting to Internet we planned to open an email account. But
whenever we fill the Form of Hotmail, in password field only "*" comes.

But in rest of the fields whatever we typed comes but we faced the
problem only in Password field.
We checked with Hardware vendor and he said that there is no problem in
keyboard.

Because of this we have opened the email account with password *****.
But I request u to check this as we our self don't know what is the
password!

The next one is that we are unable to enter anything after we shut down
the computer. There is a button for start but not for pause, stop as in
stereo recorder. We request u to add the same in future.

There is a option as RUN in menu. This one of my neighbor after
clicking started running and he has run upto Amritsar from Chandigarh. So we
request u change that to "SIT". So that we can click that by sitting.

One doubt is that can I click Recycle bin. I own a scooter in my home.
Is there a separate option as "Re scooter bin" available in the system?

In Microsoft outlook we are able to see the outer view of the mail. Is
there an in look through which we can have inner view of the mail?

The last one is my wife has lost the door key of our house. So I
searched for the same in "SEARCH" option of start icon. But I did not find
the same there also. Is it a bug?

Rest In next letter.
Yours Anonymously,
Banta Singh
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
A jobless guy applied at Microsoft as a cleaning
service. After a test (cleaning toilet, etc.), the HR
informed him that he's got the job and asked for his
email address for the letter of appointment and other
documents.
The guy said "I don't have a computer, leave alone an
email address". The HR then informed him that without
email address he virtually does not exist, so
Microsoft cannot employ him.

Disappointed, he left the building. He had only $10 in
his pocket.
He then went to a nearby market andbought 10Kg of
potatoes. Then he went to the neigbourhood and sold
the potatos door to door. After two hours, he managed
to sell all the potatoes at 100% profit.
He repeated the exercise again and each times he
gained 100% profit thus doubling his capital.

He realized he can survive this way. He seriously got
involved in this business. With some variety of
commodities (creativity) plus hard work he managed to
expand his business.
He then bought a car for distributing the stuff.
Within 5 years, his business become a giant
door-to-door market service wherein people could buy
fresh vegies and fruits at their doorstep.

The guy then started to think about his future and his
family. He wanted to buy an insurance for himself,so
he called on an insurance agent. After sales
agreement,the insurance agent asked the guy, his email
address for future contacts. He replied "I don't have
a computer, leave alone an email address".The
insurance agent then said "That's very pathetic.You
own a giant business, but yet do not have an email
address.Imagine what you can do if you have a computer
and an email address".

The man answered "I would have been a Microsoft's
cleaning service guy".

Lessons to learn:
1. Without Internet or email, you still can survive
and become a millionaire if you work hard.

2. You need an email address if you want to work in
Microsoft.

3. Because you received this email, there is a higher
chance that you become a cleaner rather than a
millionaire
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
R
>
> Did you know .........
> > > >
> > > > It is impossible to lick your elbow.
> > > >
> > > > A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.
> > > >
> > > > People say "Bless you" when you sneeze
> because when you sneeze, your
> > > > heart stops for a millisecond.
> > > >
> > > > If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a
> rib.If you try to suppress a
> > > > sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your
> head or neck and die. if
> > > you
> > > > keep your
> > > > eyes open by force, they can pop out.
> > > >
> > > > In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period
> of 80 years, no one
> >reported
> > > > a single case where an ostrich buried its head
> in the sand or attempted
> >to
> > > > do so - apart from Bones.
> > > >
> > > > It is physically impossible for pigs to look
> up into the sky.
> > > >
> > > > More than 50% of the people in the world have
> never made or received a
> > > > telephone call.
> > > >
> > > > Rats and horses can't vomit.
> > > >
> > > > Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months,
> two rats could have over
> > > > million descendants.
> > > >
> > > > The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is
> said to be the toughest
> > > > tongue twister in the English language.
> > > >
> > > > Wearing headphones for just an hour will
> increase the bacteria in your
> > > > ear by 700 times.
> > > >
> > > > The cigarette lighter was invented before the
> match.
> > > >
> > > > Thirty-five percent of the people who use
> personal ads for dating are
> > > > already married.
> > > >
> > > > A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows
> why.
> > > >
> > > > 23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are
> caused by people sitting on
> > > > them and photocopying their buttocks.
> > > >
> > > > In the course of an average lifetime you will,
> while sleeping, eat 70
> > > > assorted insects and 10 spiders.{Yuck!}
> > > >
> > > > Most lipstick contains fish scales.
> > > >
> > > > Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is
> different.
> > > >
> > > > hey seee now the most interesting.....
> > > >
> > > > Over 75% of people who read this will try to
> lick their elbow.
> > > >
> > > > hahaha
> > > > have a nice day.
>
> love
> kavs
>
> > >
> > >
>
>
>
>
>
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
aOn a New Year's eve in Saudi
Arabia, an Indian, a
Pakistani and a
Malaysian are celebrating by
sharing a bottle of
smuggled champagne in
their hotel room. All of a sudden,
Saudi police enter
the room and arrest
them. They are immediately
sentenced to death. They
contest the sentence
and are finally imprisoned for
life. But, as it was a
New Year's eve, the
Sheikh decided they should be
released after receiving
20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their
punishment, the
Sheikh suddenly says:
"It's my eleventh wife's birthday
today, and she asked
>me to allow each of
>you one wish before your whipping".
The Malaysian thinks for a while
and says: "Please tie
a pillow to my
back."

This was done. But the pillow only
lasts 10 lashes and
gets torn to shreds.
The whip goes through and thrashes
his back until it
starts bleeding.
The Pakistani, watching the scene,
says: "Please fix
two pillows to my
back". But even two pillows could
only take 10 lashes
before they are
shred to rags. The whip goes
through and thrashes his
back until it starts
bleeding.

The Sheikh then turns to the Indian
and says: "I had a
part of my
education in India. Hence, I have a
soft corner for
Indians. You can have
two wishes!".
"Thank you, your Royal and Merciful
Highness", the
Indian says, "As my
first wish, I would like to have 40
lashes of the
whip."
The Sheikh is puzzled, but says,
"If you so desire.
And what is your
second wish?"
"Tie the Pakistani to my back",
says the Indian.
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Advani-ism: You have two cows. You dont milk them; worship them.

Chandrababu-ism: You have two cows in Vijayawada.
You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism: You have two cows.
You teach them to cry, "Ammaaaaaaaaa..." and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhi-ism: You have two cows.
You give one to your son and the other to your nephew .

Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.


Lalooism: You have two cows.
You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.


Rajnikant-ism: You have two cows.
You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.


Rajivism: You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.


Thakrey-ism: You have two cows. You feed them only saffron flowers.


Vajpayeeism:You have two cows.
You distribute the milk among your partners and eat cattlefeed.


Veerappanism: You have two cows.
You take over a reserved forest to feed them.


Azharism: You have only one cow.
You take money from bookies to maintain it.


Bush-ism: You have as many cows as you like.
You preach to others not to have any.


Clintonism: You have two cows. But you milk your neighbours' cows.


Musharrafism: Nawaz Sharif has two cows. Take over them.


Osamaism: You have two cows.
You convert them into biological weapons.


Talibanism: You have two cows. You put them in purdah.

UN-ism: You have two cows. You dont milk them; you only lecture to them.
 

toxicboa

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven
where they are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives,
that I'm granting you
six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want."
The first nun says, "I a-wanna be Sophia Loren," and POOF, she's gone.
The second says, "I a-wanna be Madonna," and POOF she's gone.
The third says, "I a-wanna be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, that name
just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to
St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing.
"No Sister," he laughs, "this says 'Sahara Pipeline,
laid by 500 men in 7 days!'"
 
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