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Discuss jokessssssss within the LaUghTeR AccEleRatED , Just CHILL !! forums, part of the The Lounge !! category; A man is driving along the highway in his convertible ... ... and he's got eight penguins in the back ...

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rohit_pn
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Smile jokessssssss - May 20th, 2006

A man is driving along the highway in his convertible ...
... and he's got eight penguins in the back seat of his car.

A police officer sees the car, and pulls him over, siren and lights in full force. When the officer approaches, the driver very politely asks the officer what the trouble is.

The officer says, sternly, "Well, you've got eight penguins in the back seat!"

"Yes, officer, I do," replies the man.

"Well," says the officer, "you take those penguins to the zoo right now!"

"Yes sir, right away, sir," says the man, and he drives away.

The next day, the same officer sees the same car with the same driver, with the same eight penguins in the back seat. Only this time, the penguins are all wearing sunglasses.

The enraged police officer pulls the driver over and can't wait to arrest the man. The officer says, even more sternly than the previous day, "I thought I told you yesterday to take those penguins to the ZOO!"

"Well, I did," said the man, "and today we're going to the beach!"
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another good one
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Smile another good one - May 20th, 2006

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby.

All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says, "Not yet."

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"

And the mother says, "When the baby cries."

So they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "I forgot where I put it."
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blondesssss
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Smile blondesssss - May 20th, 2006

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land.

The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I TOLD HER FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO DETROIT."

BLONDESSSSSSSS 2

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was
getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied,
"It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror,
looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror,
then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Last edited by rohit_pn; May 20th, 2006 at 04:41 PM..
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Re: jokessssssss - May 20th, 2006

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.

Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
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Re: jokessssssss - May 20th, 2006

There this guy who goes to a pub and asks the bar tender for 10 shots of tequilla. The bar tender says "no thats too much".

The guy tells the bar tender he just found out his brothers gay, so the bar tender says thats understandable. so he gives the guy 10 shots of tequilla.

The next day the same guy goes to the pub again and asks the bar tender for 20 shots of tequilla.
The bar tender says "no way, that's too much".

The guy says, "i just found out that my son's gay". So the bar tender says thats understandable", and gives him 20 shots of tequilla.

Now the next day the same guy goes to the bar again and asks the bar tender for 30 shots of tequilla. the bar tender at this stage gets angry and says to the guy, "what's the matter, does no one in ya house like women",

The guy replies, "yeah my wife"
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Re: jokessssssss - May 20th, 2006

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt a button fell off.

After that, I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off.

Then I went to open the door and the doorknob fell off.

I went to get into my car and the door handle came off in my hand.

Now I'm afraid to pee....
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Re: jokessssssss - May 20th, 2006

An old miser, because of his exceptional thrift, had no friends. Just before he died he called his doctor, lawyer and minister together around his bedside.

"I always heard you can't take it with you, but I am going to prove you can," he said.

"I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It's in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me you throw the envelopes in."

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said,
"I don't feel exactly right, I am going to confess, I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we are building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 in the grave."

The doctor said, "I, too, must confess. I am building a clinic and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000."

The lawyer said, "Gentlemen, I'm surprised, shocked and ashamed of you. I don't see how you could hold out that money. I threw in my personal check for the full amount."
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TWO WISHES
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Wink TWO WISHES - May 20th, 2006

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind
him, and as he sits down, the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer," and turns to the ostrich.
"What's yours?"

"I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says
"That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his
pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again,
and the man says, "I'll have a beer," and the
ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again
the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening,
the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a
large scotch," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich.

"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once
again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

he bartender can't hold back his curiosity any
longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to
always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was
cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I
rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to
pay for anything, I just put my hand in my
pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most
people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a
Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."
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TWO IT GUYS
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Smile TWO IT GUYS - May 21st, 2006

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work.
"Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this
gorgeous
blonde girl in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.
"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we
got
into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special"
"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.
"I then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop? What configuration?"

"It's a 1 GB RAM and mobile internet connectivity card and............"
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