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Love 4.0 heart system software.....

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Love 4.0 heart system software..... - April 22nd, 2006

Love 4.0 heart system software.....


Customer Service Rep: Hello, you have reached the Heart Systems
Software Company help desk. How may I help you?

Customer: I just received your latest program, LOVE 4.0...you
know...the freeware. I don't understand it. Can tell me how to
install it?

CS Rep: Sure thing ma'am. Do you have the installation disk and
instructions with you?

Customer: Yes I do, but first can you tell me what the program
does?

CS Rep: Sure thing ma'am. LOVE is a unique program, there is no
other like it in the world. LOVE attaches to your operating
system and runs silently in the background, you will never see
LOVE on your monitor or your toolbar, but you will notice its
affect on every application you may have. It makes the good
programs run smoother and greatly restricts and/or deletes the
bad ones.

Customer: Wow! That sounds great. How does LOVE make my machine
run smoother?

CS Rep: Well, good sound files, like COMPLIMENT.WAV,
ENCOURAGEMENT.WAV, and KINDWORD.WAV will play frequently. Also,
FORGIVENESS.EXE will be invoked every time there is an external
violation, including the ever-popular syntax errors. Also, all
those aggravating errors that say "unable to connect" will be
avoided. LOVE allows for a smooth connection with external
devices, regardless of what country it is manufactured in, the
brand name, or the age of the model.

Customer: That's exactly what I need, my machine has been
isolated for too long. But what about the bad programs?

CS Rep: Good question. LOVE searches your memory for programs
like HATE.COM, BITTERNESS.EXE, SELFISH.COM, and SPITE.EXE. These
programs can't be entirely deleted off your hard drive, but LOVE
overpowers those programs. LOVE stops their commands from being
executed and runs its own instructions. You will no longer hear
INSULT.WAV and you wont be able to write with the fonts
"BADWORDS12" or "HARSHNESS10."

Customer: That's a fantastic program you have. Are the upgrades
free too?

CS Rep: They sure are ma'am.

Customer: How do I get the upgrades?

CS Rep: That's easy. Once you have LOVE installed and running,
it automatically copies a module, or a piece of itself, to every
external Hard drive Email And Remote Terminal (HEART) that it
comes in contact with. In turn, those external devices run
whatever version of LOVE they have and return a module to your
HEART. You will be upgraded with each and every module that you
receive. But you have to remember, to receive the upgrades you
have to be running LOVE and you have to come into contact with
other computers while it is running.

Customer: I can do that. I'm not very technical, but I think I
am ready to install now. What do I do first?

CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located
your HEART ma'am?

Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running
right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?

Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.

CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE
from your current operating system. It may remain in your
permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.
LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its
own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn
off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE
from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me
how?

CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until
GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?

CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it
will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that
message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the
upgrades.

Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I
do?

CS Rep: What does the message say?

Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
COMPONENTS." What does that mean?

CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means
that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has
not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated
programming things but In nontechnical terms it means you have to
"LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.

Customer: So what should I do?

CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy
them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT,
REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite
any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming
programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITIC.EXE from all
directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make
sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with really neat
files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows
that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying
themselves all over my HEART!

CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able
to handle it from here One more thing before I go...

Customer: Yes?

CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with
other people and they will return some really neat modules back
to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.
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Nikhil Gadodia
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