UNITED WE STAND - a satire on Global Politicking !

enigma

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These are excerpts from the meeting of some leaders of the World, at an emergency meeting of ‘exclusive’
leaders at the United Nations Head Quarters.

Osama has been participating in this discussion as an incognito, via a special satellite connection.

Date : September 11, 2006

Bush : Ladies and Gentlemen we are here to address the issue of Global Terrorism and the role of UN and
other nations in this war on terrorism.

Blair : Friends shall we have some coffee or tea served ?

Bush : But, Tony we already have Kofi’s services !

Rumsfeld : He means coffee.

Bush : Oh coffee, yes and Rice too.

Musharraf : Steamed pulaao or biryani ?

Manmohan : He means Condi !

Condoleeza Rice steps in and sees Kofi Annan readjusting himself in his armchair – wiping sweat from his
brow and suddenly, to her surprise, ogling at her.

Rice : We have reports that President Ahmednijad has issued fresh statements about President Musharraf’s
supports for his missions.

Bush (with indifference) : Mushy is that true ?

Musharraf : Oye yaar kab is Ahmednijad se nijad milegi (When will I be free of Ahmednijad), No President
Bush, I am your faithful ally in this war against terrorism.

Bin Laden (to himself) : Yes, fateful partner, fool.

Bush : Let us continue with our strategies on our proposed war on Iran. So we need new proofs of Iran
building nuclear bombs, so quickly tell me what have you fellas been up to. Tony have you found enough
voice in your Houses to give us the go ahead ?

Musharraf and Manmohan (in chorus) : We can do you a favor Tony bhaiji, but you must promise us
comfortable front bench seats when we come downto watch the London Olympics 2012.

Blair (with panic): No man, no more ‘cash or favors for seats’ for Indians and Pakistanis ! I already have my hands red with beatings.

Musharraf (nonplussed):But Tony your hands are brown !

Blair : Cut his name out !
Bush : Order, order. Let us not digress. So you useless junkies have done nothing about fabricating new
proofs.

Vladimir Putin, President of Russia, stumbles in complaining a ‘gas’ problem – ever since he has returned
from Ukraine.

Bush : Hey buddyPutin, nice to see you, where’ve you been ?

Putin (moaning): Indigestion, Gas problem !

Musharraf (grinning): That’s what you get we you side with India, supplying them with nuclear fuel when
yourself are running out of gas.

Putin: So any new strategies developed ?

Condi:Hu has been making quite a lot of noise about our Iran invasion plans – he is a real pain.

Bush: Who?

Condi: Hu, and Wenis doing the messenger’s job for him.

Bush: Who and When ? Tell me Who is doing what and when are they doing this?

Manmohan (cutting in):And he has Karat on his side.

Bush: Who has carrot when ?! But what has that got to do with our discussion?

Manmohan: Well Mr.Bushsir, we have decided to support you in your strategies against Iran !

Bush: I don’t just want support, I want solid proofs – look if you want your nuclear deals to get through, for
which I am skinning my self, you gotta actively help us.

Manmohan: Well I will speak to APJ and find out if he can help out with the development of some
dummies.

Chirac (inquisitively): There you go, another sabotage ?!

Bush: Can you with your nuclear resources back our firepower ?

Chirac: I have already been ‘(Ville)pinned’ down – my PM has landed me in a quandary, the stupid Marxist-
Leninist sponsored unions are protesting, and you want me to get myself skinned ?

Putin (violently): Why do you criticize Lenin ?

Angela Merkel (joining in): And why Marx ?

Bush (thumping the table): You fellas are crossing the line, no ‘marks’ for that !

Blair : ‘Dubya’ I have an offer – our corps will supply you with the valuable cover fire.
Bush: Seems you are not yet ready to come outta that ‘Teflon’ coating, why don’t you commit your troops to
frontline warplans?

Hamid Karzai steps in, pretty late, but making a strong contribution.

Karzai (appeasingly): Well everyone, I have a plan, soon I shall declare that bin Laden has left Afghanistan
and set up base in Iran.

Bush: Fantastic, maybe that would please even Saddam; now why did this not occur to me earlier ?

Musharraf: Brother Hamid has finally saved me from perpetual mental stress.

Osama (aside): Yes you skunks – just wait for sometime more.

Manmohan : And I can pledge the support of Shah Rukh Khan, Salman Khan and yes, Saif Ali Khan ! He
has made quite a mark Down Under. All the Khans will put in their bit with a stage show on Iranian people’s
Liberation.

Musharraf : How can you be so sure ?

Manmohan : Nevermind if they don’t agree, I shall speak with Govinda who would get all of them for the
service, ask me why – he would speak with Dawood Bhai and get it done.

Blair: And would that not embarrass your government.

Manmohan: I will resign, maybe – that’s how we do it in India.

Bush: I thinkI willrevisit India and oversee the planning myself, Man your nukes are gonna get through,
that’s a cowboy’s word (aside : and you gotta take it).

Manmohan: These Khans are really nice people – and do almost any show for the money – I am sure they
will oblige.

Bush (with suddenness): In the same voice, Mushy I am sure these Khans are really nice – but think of your
own – that A.Q.Khan !

Musharraf: I will deal with him as you please sir.

Bush: So that chalks out are path – no controversy, simple common sense; (Yawning) Hey Condi, ask him if
he has anything to say.

Condi: Mr. Annan would you like to add anything ?

Annan (waking up, rubbing eyes): Well to quote William Shakespeare – ‘As you like it’

CNN Broadcast – Christiana Amanpour : We have just received reports that the Bill for the dissolution of
the United Nations has been tabled at the latest meet of the body. Our sources allege that the body has been
unable to maintain its position on the war against terrorism, the consequence of which has been its fall.

Osama disconnects the call from President Musharraf, call lasted nearly 200 minutes.

Osama (on the phone): Yes my dear friends Hu and Ahmednijad – the game has begun. So start your war and let us do a fine sequel of Pearl Harbour and 9/11 – a double trouble for ‘em – we will smoke them outta their holes.

Keeping down the phone, he increases the volume of his iPod, playing :


Revvin' up your engine


Listen to her howlin' roar
Metal under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go
Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone
Headin' into twilight
Spreadin' out her wings tonight
She got you jumpin' off the track
And shovin' into overdrive
Highway to the Danger Zone
I'll take you
Right into the Danger Zone
You'll never say hello to you
Until you get it on the red line overload
You'll never know what you can do
Until you get it up as high as you can go
Out along the edges
Always where I burn to be
The further on the edge
The hotter the intensity
Highway to the Danger Zone
Gonna take you
Right into the Danger Zone
Highway to the Danger Zone


(Kenny Loggins’ lyrics from Top Gun)





Author : Mohamed Ahmed Mapara
 
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