This is a discussion on CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! within the LaUghTeR AccEleRatED , Just CHILL !! forums, part of the The Lounge !! category; ...CORPORATE LESSON - 1
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found ...
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish.
When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become,and your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start first.He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".
He was so contented with His beer pool.
The last is the American.He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
MORAL OF THE STORY:> Mind your language, you never know what it will Land you in.
CORPORATE LESSON - 2
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower & the doorbell rings.
After a few seconds of arguing over who should go and answer the doorbell,the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $ 800 just to drop that towel that you have
on". After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands over $800 and quietly leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune,the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $! 800 he owes me?"
MORAL OF THE STORY: Share critical credit information with your stakeholders to prevent avoidable exposure!
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You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic with girls." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic with girls." That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic with girls." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic with girls." That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic with girls." That's Brand Recognition.
ROshCRazy..
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two lessons more...hehehe..enjoy!! Lesson 1:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak". Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed
heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up,
you will find glory." Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me
next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Puff! He's gone."OK, you're up," the Genie says to
the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch." Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
ROshCRazy..
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office .. but she belonged to someone else… One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said “I’ll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you…” but the girl said “NO.” Johnny said “I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up.”
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult herboyfriend. … so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won’t even be able to get his pants down. She agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened…
She said “The bastard used quarters!”
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it’s entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
ROshCRazy..
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Corporate Lingo
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES PROJECT LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
ROshCRazy..
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Last edited by roshcrazy; May 22nd, 2007 at 12:46 PM..
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three
identical looking parrots on a perch and says:
"The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
"Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man.
The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000
dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how
to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be
told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question
"What can it do?"
To which the owner replies "To be honest, I have never seen it do a thing but
the other two call him boss!"
ROshCRazy..
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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who drops ___ on you is your
enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of ___ is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep ____, keep your mouth
shut!
I filled dese dash with problem....work....stress
U ppl can relate it with other things of life
ROshCRazy..
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CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! -
March 19th, 2007
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