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CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!

CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!

Discuss CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! within the LaUghTeR AccEleRatED , Just CHILL !! forums, part of the The Lounge !! category; he he ... gr8 thread. keep going guys. hope to get more of the "corporate lessons" Advertisements...

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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!
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jack_richards232005
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - July 19th, 2007

he he ... gr8 thread. keep going guys. hope to get more of the "corporate lessons"
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!
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Roshni Bhatia
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Talking Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - September 12th, 2007

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over he question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind Of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee'am I?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

LESSON : "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"


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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!
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Roshni Bhatia
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Talking Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - February 26th, 2008

THE NEW CEO

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high-tech corporation.

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes, #1,#2, and #3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Morris was catching a lot of heat. At his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively. Sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."


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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - October 13th, 2008

dis lesson is cool buddy!!!
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - December 17th, 2008

Instead of saying thanks to all the posts I would say it once using this post. Keep them coming.
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - December 23rd, 2008

How to treat a rude customer

How to Treat a Rude Customer...

An award should go to the gate attendant at Luqa airport.

A crowded Malta-London flight was cancelled. She was the lone attendant in charge of re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS". The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked
loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please?" she began. With her voice being heard clearly throughout the terminal, she said, "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."
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Anshu Sharma
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - January 10th, 2009

Father: I want u to marry a girl of my choice

Son: No......

Father: But girl is Bill Gates Daughter.

Son : Then ok

Father approaches to Bill Gates.................

Father: I have a husband for your daughter.

Bill Gates: My daughter is too young to marry.

Father: But my son is Vice President of World Bank.

Then ok

Father goes to President of World Bank

Father: Appoint my son as VP in your bank

President: No

Father: But he is son-in-law of Bill Gates

President: Then ok

THIS IS BUSINESS
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Lightbulb Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - January 14th, 2009

Office Terminology for the New Millennium

ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.




BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa.

CLM -Career Limiting Move: Used to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

DILBERTED: To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generator running.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - January 16th, 2009

Government Seal



Official Announcement from USA



The federal government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!



It just doesn't get more accurate than that.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Position or Performance?



A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.



Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.



God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?



The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!



God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..



Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.



God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...



'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'



'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.



'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'



Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!!
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Re: CoRpoRAte lESSonS!! - January 16th, 2009

Hey......

its true...........

Thanks 4 giving these type of true corporate lessons.............
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