this is interesting..a view of 3 generations on this topic...
Is nuclear family better or a joint family?
The joint family system has all but given way, especially in the metros, while smaller cities and towns may cling on to it. Practical reasons as well as the more 'compelling' ones like inability to adjust to generation gaps or other family members have downsized the ratio of the joint to the nuclear family.
We speak on the issue to three different age groups, a twenty-one year-old dental student, a forty-plus film composer, an eighty-plus retired bank officer and a practicing psychiatrist and counsellor.
Viju Shah, music director:
'I think that a nuclear family is best suited to today's lifestyles. Tolerance is the pivot of a joint family and that is sorely lacking in today's times. If you have two kids, I would say that the best option would be to make separate and clear-cut provisions for them in your lifetime. It is best to meet on Sundays for a family lunch or day full of affection that let undercurrents thrive in daily life. Many families I know stay together only out of compulsions or some other problems. Today money is the driving force. If one brother is earning more than the other, the problems can get serious. Live separately but with love intact than the reverse: and I say this though my family and I live with my mother and brother Rajesh and his family.'
Mr Ramlal Talwar, 83, retired bank officer:
'Today, I live alone with my wife. Both of us are quite active. We are not living alone by choice. My eldest son Sunil is working for over two decades in the Gulf. When he wanted to go there to make his life I did not object. I have two more sons - twins named Rajan and Deepak - and a married daughter. Rajan and Deepak were living with us after marriage but soon decided to start their own business in Gujarat. My son Sunil agreed to initially finance them and they too have settled there for more than ten years. Their families keep visiting us and we keep going there too. It's a good arrangement. Had they all been here we would have probably managed to live below one roof, but today we like and enjoy our independence and even get a little unsettled if one of their families comes down for long. We have our routines and enjoy life. So I do not think that this question can be answered easily. It is person- as well as family-specific. I have grown up in a joint set-up but have also lived as a nuclear family because my job took me to various places.'
Ankit Mashru, 21, dental student:
'I live with my parents, sister and grandparents, and am all for a joint family. That is because I do not think that I can ever be as good as my parents in inculcating basic family values in my kids, so I would leave it to them as my kids' grandparents to do that. Besides, I think that I owe it to my parents, for it is every father's dream that his son or sons live with him even after marriage. Yes, I admit that living across the landing in another flat would be an ideal solution, but I would otherwise rather live together than apart.'
Maya Kirpalani, Psychiatrist And Counsellor:
'The joint family system is breaking up because the value systems in the metros are changing. Ideally, living with one's aged parents not only teaches your own children the value of caring for parents but also that of grandparents, but lack of space in metros is a genuine problem.
But I am very clear about one thing - the aged have to be taken care of. If a joint family is maintained only for the sake of convenience, that is, grandparents looking after children when both parents are working, then the parents must respect what the elders are doing. At the same time, the children should not be allowed to forget that mom and dad are the real parents, especially if the grandparents are undesirably pampering the children.
Today we see a lot of deterioration in value systems. Competition and stress levels are surging and problems in a joint family can arise from basic things like division of duties when one daughter-in-law is working and the other is not, where the working one may be favoured or seem so in terms of work responsibility or the money she is contributing. This can lead to pathological extremes of selfishness or sacrifice. There should be a balance in every thing, apart from love and respect for family members.
source:
http://www.shaaditimes.com/ch/love/triple_speak/040719-joint-family-vs-nuclear
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in a nutshell, these days trend of nuclear family is coming up..becoz of ppl gettting busy into 1s lives..values are changing..certain age differences coming up...but then too it wud be preferable to stay in joint families,as staying in joint families teaches u the values, how 2 luv,respect elders and stay in harmony...elders experiences in life provide u the guidance and suggestions and help 1 2 look thngs 4m a broader point of view...and so on..
in case of a gal gettin married..mostly youngsters these days opt to stay separately...i don know the exactly why this trend is pickin up..butin such cases where theres nt a good rapport between inlaws ..i thnk nuclear family wud be ideal...