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future - September 3rd, 2006

Into The Future

Get a glimpse into life far into the future, in the year 2056...

- Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

- Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2058.

- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

- 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

- Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2057.

- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

- Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped!

- Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine
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