Love Probles-Advises-Tips (All here)

melroy88

New member
If you have have any problems with regards to a relationship or any other problem,do post in here, we will surely try to help ya out.
 

melroy88

New member
How to Maintain Romance

How to Maintain Romance

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There is so much more involved in keeping romance alive than just candles, bubble baths, and foot massages. You each have to work at it in order to maintain and enjoy romance in your life. Here is how to feed the romantic fires in your relationship in a deep and meaningful way.


Steps
  1. Tell the truth. Truth is the ultimate aphrodisiac and a great way to create connection with your partner. For example, you might say "I feel safe when I am with you" or "Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that we forget about creating close moments together, but I really want to be close with you." Just share your true feelings and speak from your experience. If you are concealing in your relationship, you will not feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing priority in your life.
  2. Appreciate yourself and your partner. Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware of." Take time to understand just what it is that you like about yourself, and your partner. Saying for example, "I am doing a good job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning before they go off to school." or "I really appreciate how dedicated you are to your job." Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to heat up your relationship, start appreciating!
  3. Listen. All humans crave being seen and heard. Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be magical for you both. Often, we want to fix their problems, but it is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you are frustrated." or "That must have been hard on you." lets your partner know you're hearing them.
  4. Create romance within yourself first. We often try to "get" our partners to be more romantic by believing we need to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you are much more likely to have what you want when 'you' show up in that way. For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and appreciate yourself. It will not take long for your partner to join in the fun!
  5. Ask for what you want. Let your partner know that you are deeply interested in spending some romantic time with them (You would be surprised at how often they are unaware of this.) Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving words.
  6. Bring play back into your relationship. Levity is a sexy thing. If you are stuck in thoughts of how much housework you have to do, or that you might wake the kids, more than likely you will not feel romantic. Laugh about the ways that you take your self out of a romantic mood, and soon, you will be back in it.
  7. Speak your partner's love language. We often become confused and disappointed by expecting the other person to do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things they like as well as you telling them what 'you' like, want, and expect. When you fulfill their needs and desires, you will end up receiving the same in return!
  8. Accept each other unconditionally, respect each others wishes and dislikes. Keep the mystery and fascination to each other. Love each moment as if it is the last.



Tips
  • Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in the area of romance, without making the other person feel wrong for their desires. One may want less romance, the other may want more, however by communicating, each can have what they want, it just may not look the way you think it is supposed to. For example, how could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is a really powerful step to creating a life of joy!)
  • Portions of this article are based on the works of Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks



Warnings
  • Many couples will subconsciously create an argument just when there is an opportunity for romance. This happens because we have conditioned ourselves to avoid intimate connection. We are afraid of being hurt when we are most open and vulnerable, thus we shut down without even realizing we are doing it. When this happens, take notice, without judging yourself or your partner. Instead try once more to spark a connection by using the steps above.
  • Don't try to avoid conflict at all cost. Arguments can provide the solid foundation to a sturdy relationship provided they remain logical and the criticism is constructive rather than hurtful.
  • Being sarcastic with the one you love is not romantic or funny, unless both partners realize the mood.
 

melroy88

New member
How to Find Your Soulmate

How to Find Your Soulmate


A soulmate is that special person, who thinks like you, feels about things as you do, and just understands you. You each are special to each other, and can sense each others pain or happiness. Each one is more complete as a person with the other. There is a chemistry between you, that makes each day, a happier one because the other is there with you. Holding hands with each other makes you feel warm and content and complete as a person.


Steps
  1. Meet and talk to them. Share thoughts about many things, and listen to see how they react and appear.
  2. Find out if you both enjoy the same or similar activities, and discuss your thoughts about them.
  3. Sense the physical as well as the mental connection between you. Listen to each other, and hold hands when walking in the mall, or the store, or in the park.If you feel that you really connect without any effort, then you have found your soulmate.
  4. Remember, a true soulmate can sense your pain before you do, they can sense your thoughts, feelings, and seem to be a part of you, and you have to wonder, how you ever faced each day without them.



Tips
  • Do not confuse physical chemistry between both of you, as being a soulmate. While one can be the other, the chances are if you only feel a physical attraction, and no mental connection, they are not soulmates.
  • Finding a true soulmate does not happen all the time. The connection is so special and so endearing, that you will know when it does.
 

melroy88

New member
How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

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While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.


Steps
  1. 180px-133729351_b96243dbe1.jpg
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    Could it be love?


    Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, sex, holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
  2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
  3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
  4. 180px-125686249_6cd446d79e.jpg
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    Or is it lust?


    Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
  5. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
  6. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust and infatuation) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.



Tips
  • Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
  • To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
  • Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
  • Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
  • Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
  • A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
  • Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heartrate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
  • Give it time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
  • Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)



Warnings
  • If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
  • You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.
 

melroy88

New member
How to Define Love

How to Define Love

“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein

Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.


Steps

  1. The dictionary defines love in the ways we use the word. For example love is:
    • A strong positive emotion of. affection or pleasure. "his love for his work. I love cooking.
    • Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking; "the theater was her first love". I love french food.
    • Beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
    • A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction; " "she was his first love" She loves her husband.
    • A score of zero in tennis or squash; "it was 40 love!
    • Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people; They made love."he hadn't had any love in months";
  2. The Greeks defined love in four categories:
    • AGAPE love is unconditional love. It is love by "CHOICE". A good example is "GOD LOVES US"
    • PHI LEO love is the love of "ATTRACTION" guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
    • STORGE is a physical show of "AFFECTION" the need for physical touch.
    • EROS is the physical "SEXUAL" desire, intercourse.
  3. Define love, what does it mean to you? Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
  4. Be aware of moments you feel love towards anyone or anything.
  5. Consider your motives, what are you getting from the situation.
  6. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change.
  7. Capture that feeling with metaphors, poetry or songs.
  8. Remember 1 Corinthians 13:4-A... "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." If this is not how you feel, then you may not be in love.
  9. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed triangularly. There are three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
    • Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
    • Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
    • Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
  10. Understand that love may start as harmless flirting and smiles and winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, a more curious approach by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
  11. Understand that most often to the person in love there will be little left of interest in the real world, food will taste bland, concentrating will have become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while thinking about the person seems a more sensible thing to do.
    • This type of behaviour can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else, who they may have shared these feelings for at sometime in the past.
  12. Note that although love has never been definitely proven scientifically to exist; it is thought, quite accurately as of yet that one can only be in love with one person, or thing at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another, (what some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling twice at once.
    • Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness; or in some cases where love isn't present; influenza.
  13. Understand that time does seem to be the only healer in the case of love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
  14. Realise that in some cases (especially in literature) love will last forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path to true and pure love, love will endure. This is may be far fetched from reality, but is a much more preferable way to think.
    • Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
    • Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am". Being able to think give us the ability to choose our partners not because of their breed or simple survival of the fittest, but in order for us to develop as human beings, and to share our love and spread it on to new generations, so that while love lasts eternally, our mark upon humanity lasts forever through our children and children's children; we have made our mark upon humanity; our genetic code will continue to be passed on and develop for ever more. This possibility is a gift, not a dedication, we have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness, not animal instinct.




Tips

  • There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, and in my opinion the only "CHOICE".
  • For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
  • For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)




Warnings

  • Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
  • If someone tells you true love only happens once BEWARE!! They've seen too many Disney films or are trying to manipulate you. People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love.
  • Remember there are levels of love, and true love is unconditional love, a "CHOICE" and just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you. Their actions will tell.
 

melroy88

New member
How to Express Your Feelings to the One You Love

How to Express Your Feelings to the One You Love

Love is not about giving or receiving gifts but about sharing each other’s feelings and letting each other know how much you really care. You need to be romantic, creative, and unique. The best way to show someone you really care is by words and how your actions make them feel special. You need to say something coming from the heart and show them from your soul. Love them for who they are and not for who you are.


Steps

  1. Think about all the great moments that you have shared with that person for inspiration. If you think you won't remember, write it down or even better, make it into a poem.
  2. Try to think of words that can describe what your feelings towards him/her are. The happiness you feel when you are around him/her and the necessity you have to being with him/her.
  3. Find a place that where you'll be comfortable and alone.
  4. Finally, just say it. Don't try to think of the perfect time to say it because sometimes it will never come out, if you become too nervous. If you didn't prepare anything to say, just speak your heart out.




Tips

  • Do not stress about it. They are your feelings; you just need to learn how to express them.
  • You don't need to be at a fancy place to tell him/her that you love them. Just pick a somewhere where you could be alone.
  • If you want to be romantic, go somewhere special. For example; you can go where you both met, where you first kissed each other or just somewhere with a nice view or a place that is special to both of you.
  • Don't forget to say "I love you," and if you really mean it, say it a lot because that person will never get tired of hearing it.




Warnings

  • To truly love is to give and expect nothing in return. This makes it a giving - giving relationship when both think this way.
  • Do not be afraid to give and show your love, understand and respect each other's feelings and emotions. Remember our hearts are fragile and feel everything.
 
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