how real we should be???

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
hi there!!!
hope you all are in fine health!!!

so frnds..here i am again talking about something thats a bit emotional( so bear with me!!)
it needs to be start with a confession:
i have always tried to help others. i am very possesive about my friends or for anyone whom i care for!! there have been many instances where i have taken a stand against others when my friends were insulted...but atlast the result: both party patch up! & i am left with no one!!!
i always try to be clear from heart ,& always speak out things in front of people rather than backbiting!! but this has caused me a damage, people do feel i am not friendly!!!
i do feel that friends living in a hostel are more like a family as we all live together,so i go many a times out of my way to help them which cause me great problems & they instead of feeling good try to make fool out of me!!!

many a times such things happen with all of us.specially when we try to step in a professional world from our secured family upbringing!! so whats the solution?? should we also become " professional"(dn't take it otherwise!!) and dual personality like others..should we try to mingle with wolves in sheep skin!!!

i really need to know!!
and please for god sake stop saying " tell others their mistake in soft tone" becauz it doesn't help much!!!! people do feel offended whn u tell them things no matter how polite you are!!specially whn they are your co- mates/ same age group!!

may seem like a small kid cribbing...but dear this is a serious issue which affects al of us smtime in our life!!!so lets try finding solution to it!!!

take care
anu
 

ruvi_143

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
i dont kno y......................but it seems as if uve snatched those from my mouth........................uve got company.......................

i suare ive got the same problem................ditto..............

be it in college
be it at work
be it in the call centre where i worked
not at home.

im tryin to avoid (not ignore) such ppl.........n frenz hu don understand u or (i hope u get me),,,,,....shud be kept away.......

i sttrongly support ur feelings)
 

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
hi ruvi...
its really great to hear that it does happen with all of us but dear we need to find a solution to it!!! atleast i am not going to compromise when i haven't done anything wrong!!
 

gaurav200x

Gaurav Mittal
hi there!!!
hope you all are in fine health!!!

so frnds..here i am again talking about something thats a bit emotional( so bear with me!!)
it needs to be start with a confession:
i have always tried to help others. i am very possesive about my friends or for anyone whom i care for!! there have been many instances where i have taken a stand against others when my friends were insulted...but atlast the result: both party patch up! & i am left with no one!!!
i always try to be clear from heart ,& always speak out things in front of people rather than backbiting!! but this has caused me a damage, people do feel i am not friendly!!!
i do feel that friends living in a hostel are more like a family as we all live together,so i go many a times out of my way to help them which cause me great problems & they instead of feeling good try to make fool out of me!!!

many a times such things happen with all of us.specially when we try to step in a professional world from our secured family upbringing!! so whats the solution?? should we also become " professional"(dn't take it otherwise!!) and dual personality like others..should we try to mingle with wolves in sheep skin!!!

i really need to know!!
and please for god sake stop saying " tell others their mistake in soft tone" becauz it doesn't help much!!!! people do feel offended whn u tell them things no matter how polite you are!!specially whn they are your co- mates/ same age group!!

may seem like a small kid cribbing...but dear this is a serious issue which affects al of us smtime in our life!!!so lets try finding solution to it!!!

take care
anu


Hi anu,

what u face is a problem with soooooooo many people, including me. Sometimes i feel that when i go out helping someone, at the end, the real loser is me !!!!!

Just remember one line of mine, before i tell u anything else...... People like u and me, stand a class apart, because we're possessive people. We value our friendship, with some people tooooooo much. Maybe its because of our past, maybe because of our upbringing or our attitude in general, but we treat them like siblings, if i must say.

And, it is imperative to know that, "True friends, who really care for ur feelings, are extremely rare.... EXTREMELY EXTRMELY RARE"

Honestly, i had so many friends during my Btech, but none of them can be considered to the special friends, i have. Its not because its anyone's fault, but human nature is such that it can't bond with everyone.

So u like to go out of ur way, helping them.... good isn't it..... u should..... that's ur duty as a friend.... but dun expect any returns. u did ur duty, whatever u could to help ur friend(s) and later on, if u didn't get the feedback u desired, u should not take it to heart.

I know u still have some very very close friends, with whom u can share :smile: One thing which is important is, don't share ur personal feelings with someone u don't trust.

U will find many back-biters amongst u, but the fact is back-biting is bad, it doesn't help. Everyone respects the people who speak truth on the face, even though it might not be digestible to them at first. The bitter fact of life is that in this competitive world, most of ur friends would be professional..... and very few would be real friends... So i always think, i dun care even if i have just 1 real friend..... atleast utna toh hai.... Be happy with what u have, rather than what u don't have... that is how u live life.

One last thing, people like us, who like to help others with advices, etc believe in helping everyone..... but then, advice should be given to the one who wants to listen. If someone doesn't wants to, then he/she will not respect ur advice. So refrain from giving them advice.

Please let me know, if u have anything else in mind.
 

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
hi gaurav
its seems to be really good reply but the problem is people like you & me are so natural that we dn't think much( except sm) before making friends..slowly living with them& understanding them makes us closer to them ..there is no STOP ,i mean a demarcation as we should keep them till that pt only...its all about emotions, nothing else.
also if we try to change ourself, people who like us gets hurt by it..so its really tough to find out your true friends.
i am happy living with true enemies also, i do respect them as their intentions are very clear,they help you in reaching to your extremes but god can only save me from my so called friends who are worse than enemies!!!!

i do admit that my "bindas " nature has created many problems for me but at the same time i am true to myself & i dare to speak the truth in front of everyone!!i guess this is my USP which makes me still help others...
wat about yours?
take care
anu
 

kartik

Kartik Raichura
Staff member
You know Anu, everyone feels the same. Its just that a few discuss it, a feel try to portray a :cool: image, by not discussing.

All these years, I have understood one thing, that loneliness is your strength. Friendships, family, peers tie you with responsibilities and burden. I help many, I dont even remember them the next time they talk to me.

I help them because it makes me feel good about myself. I dont share my world with everyone. Only a few know only a few things. No one knows the whole story.

I trust NO one because knowledge is power and the more others know about you, the more you loose your power and the more they gain chances of backstabbing you.

Be comfortably numb with loneliness, its a good thing, for me its my strength.

Now, loneliness does not mean that I do not socialize. I do socialise, I help others , I am an extreme extrovert when I am with a group, but thats in terms of humour and mixing with the group. My life is my life and I am the sole person that should know about it.

Hope this lecturing helped.
 

pratik_mehta7

Pratik Mehta
i have to say one thing ANU....whatever you say, you have found a lot of support for yourself at MP....and moreover i agree with Kartik ......that he has helped many people....like me..and more to come....

but hey why cant we just combine these 2 things and make a living......i mean right now i am at my workplace....and somewhere in my heart i think....this world is bad and mean etc.....but it is not that bad.....beauty lies in the eyes of beholder and take everything positively............because the more you suffer...the stronger you become.....


Problems in life are intended to make us better and not bitter......hence think this as a chance to make new friends at MP.....because things dont turn out to be that bad....did you ever imagine...you will get a response on this thread....just due to anger you keyed in some strokes and found a genre of friends......these your mirror images.......


well lastly, i need to thank you....for giving me an opportunity to get back to MP........

Theme : Inspiration
Cactus Flower

Banished from the gardens of Eden,
This green pariah.
To the beige hell on earth,
Without a single messiah.

With thorns over its body,
An untouchable of its kind.
Shapeless like a fat lady,
Who without reasons is always maligned.

No gardeners to depend when hungry
No rains to hinge on when thirsty
No birds to speak when lonely
And No poets to write its misery

Yet, it stays with courage,
And lives a life so sour
And from its hard earned blood
Grows the most beautiful flower.

Everytime in my life,
When there is no one to hold a light,
Or to hear my woeful plight.
And when defeat is in my sight
I think of the cactus flower
And It inspires me to fight
And I fight
And I fight.

– Pradeep Dhavakumar
May 29, 2005
 

adiatparadise

New member
hi...adi here....just visiting this thread n stopped coz it happened to me...n in a way too embarassing to evn talk abt or waste anybodys time....so lets get down to problem at its root.

As always some gud views like gaurav n kartik...i think everyone of us is unique in a sense tht we hv our own persona...way of perceiving things...it comes frm u within our upbringing...our perception of wrong n right.

the problem with most of us is (being a gud human being) is our emotions n feelings...getting hurt...n also some people get away with it (donno how)..

consider this world as a jungle with all types of animals (human beings with animal personalities) residing in it...As far as i hav perceived abt life, jungle rule applies to this world too...most of the times...
 

gaurav200x

Gaurav Mittal
hi gaurav
its seems to be really good reply but the problem is people like you & me are so natural that we dn't think much( except sm) before making friends..slowly living with them & understanding them makes us closer to them ..there is no STOP ,i mean a demarcation as we should keep them till that pt only...its all about emotions, nothing else.
also if we try to change ourself, people who like us gets hurt by it..so its really tough to find out your true friends.
i am happy living with true enemies also, i do respect them as their intentions are very clear,they help you in reaching to your extremes but god can only save me from my so called friends who are worse than enemies!!!!

i do admit that my "bindas " nature has created many problems for me but at the same time i am true to myself & i dare to speak the truth in front of everyone!!i guess this is my USP which makes me still help others...
wat about yours?
take care
anu

Dear Anu,

Kartik made a very valid point here. I know what u intend in ur post... the problem with us is that we start expecting from our friends that they should also treat us in the likewise, nice manner and should be true at heart. But the problem is that even after months and years it is very hard to find the true nature of anyone.

Forget about the fights betn friends, people, just try to use u and then back stab u. But then, a practical person is one who doesn't get emotional. As i said earlier, that true friends are extremely rare to find and a small thing can cause split betn true friends.

Only a test of time can find out about the genuineness... and one should not give up hope..

See, regd the 'nature' , i would say that not everyone can digest the outspoken quality. Most of the times, u can judge the nature of a person, out of their habits. One has to limit the friendship only to the extent that one can follow. Plus, people change with time and u have to let them change.

The fact is that one has to learn by himself. If u feel that the friends around u are not true to their heart or are double minded... then let them be... but dun take that to ur heart. This world is not pure and hence, 100% purity doesn't work.

Be satisfied even if u have a single true-hearted person in ur life (ehem... ehem... like me :p)

Just remember, 'Give whatever u can to others, without expecting anything back in return'
 

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
well thanks a lot for making the discussion more lively...
frnds watever we are discussing here is for a purpose ... i mean i totally agree with wat kartik, pratik,adi, fatima..... as all of you said!!!
but dear thats where the problem lies!!
human being is a social animal,we need frnds, relatives to live with ...in childhood when we are not familiar with these so called "worldly evil feelings" we are so simple, that can be best discribed by watching a kid play..they react in the most humane manner...although they can't speak ou their minds!!!they are crystal clear hearts.
with growing age & experiences we become aware of all the different kinds of emotions & expression that includes jealousy,anger, revenge too!!! then the hard decision comes...either you adapt to your surrounding or take things in your stride!!!
the main difference between ourselves & west is that they have become thorugh professionals( things you all mentioned,PLSS DN'T TAKE IT OTHERWISE)hence loose their emotional touch!!maintaining a dual personality leads to more stressful & meaning less life!! they can't laugh on simple things , so they look out fr artificial happiness...
we still have that humane touch(thanks to our culture) but while copying west, we have also started taking their wrong things..people are so much engrossed in reaching fr their targets(materialistic) that they dn't care fr feelings!!those who do are sm left out but believe me they really need lot of courage to main tain it(& thanks we all fall in that category only). ironically now we find west more gentle , as they have learnt it hard way!!!
so my question still remains as how real we should be??

mgmt says that if we follow things correctly( be true to ourselves/others i.e thinking of a win-win situation),then evn a sales / marketer (we often find them hiding things!!) doesn't need to tell a lie...leave apart others!!!!

well friends thanks a lot fr being there fr me!! i am happy to be a part of "MP" family!!!
al the best!
anu
 

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
the best refernce is the prisoner's dileimma in game theory!!!!!
that simply shows the more clear is the communication between two people( fr that we need to have selfless hearts!!) the more profitable the result will be!!!
i hope that doesn't complicate things much...
take care
anu
 

gaurav200x

Gaurav Mittal
No one asks u to change urself.... but should know how much to give and expect. True! the world is becoming more and more professional and u won't be able to find many friends at work.... but that's what i said earlier, true friends are like gem... its very very rare to find one.

So don't let urself emotionally loose if the people around u are back biters... sometimes, friendship also needs to be done as a formality.
 

anu shukla

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
hi there
i just wanna say is that smtimes people whom u haven't met proves to be your bst frnds rather than ones you live with!!! i started this thread whn i felt bad abt the real world around me!! but as soon as i wrote it i found so many good people or shud i say best people supporting & ttelling their experience that all the anguish & nager got lost in a second!!!
thanks buddy fr being there .....

i jus wanna invite you all to share any of your/anonymous life prolems or any other experience that makes you feel isolated,evn fr a second!! & we all will have a close group to share & help out!!!!

all the best!!!
anu
 

Hiral.s

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
The case is same with everybody.. People need you only when they are in need. You may never know what hides behind the mask.. So, its better not to expect from any body and just be as you are...
 

Malika.Munjal

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Hi Anu,
First of all, I must say u've got real guts to speak out ur prblm in front of so many ppl out here. Another thing, we all know, ups and downs are a part of life, But what makes us stand among the rest is how stand in difficult times, that's y never should we ask god" Y only me?" in difficult times.
But, Anu, the problem that u described is very common, and honestly, most of us face this same problem, me too.. I would just like to suggest u that if we are possessive and good towards people, does not mean they would be good to us too practically. But remembering that we live in a selfish and competitive world, we can't say whose doing right and who is doing wrong . But certainly, the best solution to this would be, keeping doing good to people but never ever expect anything from them in return.
Stay happy! :)
 
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