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Feelings Rule !!
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Feelings Rule !! - April 8th, 2006

At the end of the day, what do people use to measure the quality of their interactions with you - the thoughts or the feelings you leave them with?

People measure the quality of their interactions with you, based on how you make them feel. As they walk away from you, they internally assess, "Do I feel accepted? Do I feel excited? Do I feel put down? Misunderstood?"

Regardless of the data or resources that change hands between you and others, feelings, in the final analysis, are what dictate the behaviors that contribute to your success (or failure).

Consider how each of the following behaviors is motivated by desired feelings and operating beliefs:
  • It looks like she's buying a Volvo, but she's really buying the feeling of security a Volvo will provide.

  • His boss gives him the new position due to his "Herculean" commitment, but it's a feeling of worth, (not the position) that motivates him.

  • After eating a caesar salad for lunch, she pops a piece of gum into her mouth. She didn't buy gum, she didn't even buy fresh breath. She bought the feeling of social acceptance she believes the gum will offer her.

Ultimately, every behavior is motivated by:
1)A desire for certain feelings

2)Operating beliefs that certain behaviors will produce those feelings.


By understanding this, there is opportunity for you to make a quantum leap in your ability to be successful at leading others. Imagine what your environment could look like if you learned to:
  • Discover the "feeling mix" each employee is looking for.
  • Identify the operating beliefs that cause people to behave a certain way in order to get a certain feeling.

"It would be [most] efficient to identify the few emotions you want your employees to feel and then to hold your managers accountable for creating these emotions. These emotions become your outcomes." How do you begin to identify the feelings you want your employees to feel?

We have identified five feelings

The Five Feelings

1 ) I Fit

2) I'm Clear

3 ) I'm Equipped/Supported

4 ) I'm Valued

5 ) I'm Inspired



When present, these five feelings "juice employees" and make them extremely productive - because when an employee feels a certain way, they behave a certain way. You can gain an edge by listening for these five feelings that are often expressed through the unspoken questions employees ask.

For instance, employees who ask questions about future opportunities may have a need to feel that they fit in their organization and in their particular role. Questions about progress may indicate an employee's need to feel clear about what they're doing and what's expected of them in their role.

Discussions around feeling equipped may focus on the tools necessary to do a job, but it may also indicate that an employee needs to feel emotionally equipped with their manager's backing or support. If compensation becomes an issue, perhaps an employee doesn't feel valued in other ways, and they're making "the pay" the issue.

Finally, people need to feel inspired - they want to achieve results, be challenged, reach growth objectives and be held accountable.

HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR PEOPLE FEEL ?



By Brady Wilson
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Nikhil Gadodia
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Effective Management – 4 Ways to Inspire l oyalty in your Business !!
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Effective Management – 4 Ways to Inspire l oyalty in your Business !! - April 8th, 2006

Today as people become increasingly conscious of their worth, they are no longer willing to stay in a job that has become intolerable and impersonal to them.

This means that in the corporate or business world, it no longer suffice to have a system in place and expect people to just comply by them.


Without some form of human connections, things won't work out for long and the strength of commitment from your employees will simply disintegrate.

Whether you're an executive, a business owner with employees or an organisation with a team of board members, you have a common ground. Your biggest asset is people and the number one key to ensuring that your business runs like a clockwork is to secure the loyalty and trust of the people on your payroll.

The days of people working for altruistic reasons have long passed. People want to feel appreciated and emotionally connected and without loyal people at your side, your business will go nowhere and die.

There are very simple ways to keep the loyalty of your workers and co-workers. When you implement these practices, you'll reap substantial benefits for yourself and your business will become strong to wager any storm.

1. Make an effort to know the people who work for you.
When you find a way to get to know your workers and to approach them as individuals, people feel appreciated and become devoted to you.

Most people spend their whole lives trying to get noticed and be someone. This can be very frustrating for them, especially if their efforts remain unnoticed.

Too often, many top managers forget too quickly where they started from. Remember how you once had to slowly work your way up the corporate ladder and how you felt working persistently away in a dingy place. Maybe you even ached to be noticed and get an encouraging word from your former boss. Well if you did, you're not alone. Other people also long for the same thing you once yearned for.

You may think, well I 'm not a psychologist and my duty is not to hold my workers' hands. Just think again. If you want dedication, you certainly won't get it by refusing to pay attention to those who work for you. And if that's what it takes, then it's wise to become proficient at it.

2. Be open and straightforward with people. Show people you care, and tell them what you expect of them. Be upfront and clear about your position in relationship to them and their work. Let them know exactly what they can expect from you in return.

We all model our lives after someone. My own business life has been modeled and influenced by two great men. My father who was a great lover of people and my uncle who was a visionary industrialist with an unquenchable passion for supporting others.

These two men taught me 2 crucial things about people:

a) Humility: that no matter how high you may get, without people you are nothing. For it is people who made you what you are.

b) Ingenuousness: When you hide your true self from people, you end up not knowing your-self.

3. Encourage and support your employees. In order to encourage people, you need to know their strong and weak points.

Many people have great gifts and talents, but feel timid and are self conscious as a result of their pre-dispositions or the environment they grew up in. Do yourself and the society a favour and support people to grow and you'll be greatly rewarded ed in return.

Also save yourself and your business a great deal of unnecessary sufferings. Find out what people are truly good at and place them in the position where they feel nurtured and can fully implement their abilities.

When people know that you have their interests at heart, they will naturally strive to apply themselves. This is because people want to belong to "a fold" they can tender, even if that "fold" is a business. But you must be genuine about your intention. Because if you're not, people will soon see through you.

4. Go the extra mile by being vigilant and showing some interests in the lives of your workers. This is also a good way of keeping the path of communication open. People trust someone who takes the time to ask after them and really listen to what they have to say. One reason why psychotherapy flourishes so well is the attention people get.

I know of some business owners, who make it a point to seek out their employees on their birthdays. One man in particular does a round of his three-storey business building every morning when he gets to work. He says that he checks his workers' lists of names at the end of each day and makes note of the names of birthdays coming up the following day.

The first thing he does the next morning is to go to each "birthday kid" as he calls them, and congratulates them personally! Now that's what I call awesome. Especially since he has 350 employees in his business. Who says you can't find time to be personal with your workers?

He even takes the time to visit his workers at their home when they suffer a loss of a loved one, or if they're absent from work for more than 3 days with an illness. His personal assistant never fails to sing his praise in admiration.

It is no wonder that this man enjoys excellent references and great respect. Which is also portrayed by the profits he makes.

People have natural needs which include acknowledging their existence. If you, as a business owner, forget to cater to these needs, you may end up sitting in a big but empty arena, wondering what went wrong. If, on the other hand, you make time for your employees, you'll be rewarded with great gratitude through, relentless and undying loyalty.



By: Olakunbi Korostensky



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Managing Staff By Talking To Them !!
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Managing Staff By Talking To Them !! - April 8th, 2006

As a cleaning company we place a very high value on our staff, they can make or break your business. They are our greatest asset and also our greatest liability. Consequently maintaining an excellent working environment and keeping staff well motivated is one of our primary goals. The same applies to most businesses although it is especially important in the cleaning industry because of the potentially high turn over of staff that is somewhat traditional in this field.

We go into many businesses in carrying out our cleaning and as the current trend is for cleaning to take place during normal working hours we see many of these in operation on a day to day basis. Some of these are large organisations with well over 100+ people working on the site others are smaller concerns with perhaps 5 or 6 people employed. Each manager has their own method of managing their staff and some of the places are happy environments where the individuals actually enjoy going to work, others are places full of grumbles where the people cannot wait to go home.

By and large the atmosphere in the workplace seems to be a reflection of the managers. It never ceases to amaze me how some managers talk to their staff or not, because quite a few have decided that e-mailing them is better despite the fact that they may be in the next office. It is written down therefore it is done and no longer my problem seems to be the attitude. From a personal point of view I could not tolerate this.

One of the reasons we go to work with others is for the social interaction and this is being gradually eroded in the modern work place. When I did work in such an establishment it became commonplace for people to send out memos. Memos had their place, if a meeting was being arranged for example where time and place and agenda needed to be specified. However I concluded that well over 90% of the memos sent out to me were not informational but requesting me to do something.

This I used to take as very bad manners and throw most of them in the bin until the persons concerned were forced into actually talking to me. Discussions we used to have around this issue always centred on how more efficient it was to send out requests on bits of paper. To me it seemed that it was depersonalising the work place and increasing the amount of paper that was being shuffled around. Now it is used as a method of everybody covering their backs in case something goes wrong. It may be me being ‘difficult’, and it may be necessary to shuffle all this paper around but I just find it sad that the workplace has deteriorated to this level in many instances.
How do we keep our cleaners happy? We treat them as human beings who deserve the right to be spoken to correctly. Please and thank you seem to be very under used words in the workplace nowadays. We find that a please and a thank you goes a very long way in maintaining staff morale as does actually talking to them rather than leaving messages.

It is very noticeable that the good environments to work in, where people are happy, the bosses actually communicate with their staff on a human level and the word thank you is heard quite a lot.

Just remember how you feel when some body says thank you to you when you have done something for them and conversely how you feel when there is no response!


by David Andrew Smith


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Eight Ways to Generate More Ideas in Group !!
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Eight Ways to Generate More Ideas in Group !! - April 8th, 2006

The scene is repeated in meeting rooms around the world every day. A problem has been identified and a group has gathered to solve the problem. When ideas are needed, the group decides to brainstorm. And all too often this exercise leads to a short list of not-that-creative ideas.

We know that if we generate more ideas we have a better chance of finding better ideas. This leads us to the logical conclusion that if we can find techniques to create more ideas, we will find better ones. No one technique however will guarantee the perfect solution. Instead your goals should be to have a variety of approaches to help stimulate idea creation in your repertoire. By doing this you will improve the overall quality of ideas by virtue of having more to choose from.

Whether you are unhappy with the current creativity of your group or are having good success with brainstorming sessions, but would like them to be even better, any of the eight suggestions below can help.

Look at problems in different ways. Get the group to change their perspective on the problem. Once people “lock into” one way of looking at things the idea flow will slow to a tickle. Have people take a new persona. Ask them to look at the issue from the perspective of another group – accounting, HR, or sales for example. Ask them to think about how their Grandmother or an 8 year old would solve the problem. These are simple ways to force people into a new perspective and the new perspectives will generate more ideas.

Make novel combinations. The ideas that land on the flipchart or whiteboard in a brainstorming session are typically considered individually. Have the group look at the initial list and look for ways to combine the ideas into new ones.

Force relationships. Once a group is finished with their initial list, provide them with words, pictures or objects. The objects can be random items, the words can come from a randomly generated list and we’ll send you such a list), or from pictures in magazines or newspapers. When people have their random word, picture or item, have them create connections between the problem and their item. Use questions like, “How could this item solve our problem?” What attributes of this item could help us solve our problem?”

Make their thoughts visible. Have people draw! Too often the brainstorming session has everyone sitting except the person capturing the ideas. Let people doodle and draw and you never know what ideas may be spurred.

Think in opposites. Rather than asking your direct problem question, ask the opposite. “How could we ensure no one bought this new product?” could be one example. Capturing the ideas on “the opposite,” will illuminate ideas for solving the actual problem.

Think metaphorically. This approach is similar to forcing relationships (and is another way to use your words, pictures or items). Pick a random idea/item and ask the group, “How is this item like our problem?” Metaphors can be a very powerful way to create new ideas where none existed before.

Prepare. Too often people are asked to brainstorm a problem with no previous thinking time. If people have time to think about a topic, and let their brains work on it for awhile, they will create more and better ideas. Allow people to be better prepared mentally by sharing the challenges you will be brainstorming some time before the meeting whenever possible.

Set a Goal. Research shows and my experience definitely confirms that the simple act of giving people a quantity goal before starting the brainstorming session will lead to a longer list of ideas to consider. Set your goal at least a little higher than you think you can get – and higher than this group typically achieves. Set the goal and watch the group reach it!

While these suggestions have all been written from the perspective of a group generating ideas, they all work very well for individuals too. The next time you need to solve a problem by yourself, use these techniques and you will be astounded by the quantity of ideas you will generate!



by Kevin


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Nikhil Gadodia
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Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness?
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Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness? - April 8th, 2006

For many people happiness is an elusive butterfly in the garden of life. Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day. The child sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower. With eyes of wonder the child wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in their hands.
The child goes towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, with arms out stretched, only to find as he just gets in reach, the butterfly moves to another flower.
Undeterred the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next, but the butterfly always stays just out of reach.

As adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly, always just out of reach. It becomes almost an obsession and the words "if only" become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary. If only I had more money I
would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job and the list goes on. Even if we achieve one of our "if only" desires, the happiness we seek is still just out of our reach. The truth of the saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence " becomes our focus and perception. If this becomes our focus, we find that dissatisfaction and unhappiness keep growing in our life and experience.

The unhappiness within us can not be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances.

To find happiness in life we must first be at peace with ourselves internally.
External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner life. Life experience brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone. To rely on life’s experiences for
our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride.

Happiness comes from within. The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being. The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose. We need to find peace in every aspect of our life-the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. To discover acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life.



If we neglect any one of these areas, we experience a sense of emptiness and feel something is missing. There is not a solid foundation for building happiness within, but we then, typically start to try to fill this incompleteness by looking for outside solutions. That is the point when we can fall into the ‘elusive butterfly’ syndrome, and experience such
frustration.

Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection. Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will experience the butterfly of happiness alighting on your shoulder.



Barbara White


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Nikhil Gadodia
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Checklist for Success !!
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Checklist for Success !! - April 8th, 2006

There are many ways to stay on track with your goals and keep moving towards creating the life of your own design. Making a list of what you value most in life, and then being true to those things you value, is one of the best ways to get you from where you are to where you want to be. This list becomes a Checklist for Success!

Begin your list by first taking a few moments to think of what is the one thing you value more than anything else in the world and then write it on the top of a page. Continue with the second thing you value most, and write it below the first one. Continue listing what you value most in order of importance. When your list is done, you have before you your hierarchy of what is most important to you in life. For example:

God
Self
Significant Other
Children
Family and Friends
Pets and Plants

Next, write down everything you need to do in order to be true to each of the things you value. For example: God - Create and/or maintain a strong relationship with God by doing good things such as solving problems instead of creating them; serve humanity through my work and/or life; do onto others as I would like to have done onto me; meditate and/or pray daily; be grateful for all the goodness in my life as well as for the challenges that help me grow and learn; and be more charitable.

Self - Be the best me I can possibly be by putting conscious effort into keeping healthy in:

Body - maintain health or do whatever is necessary to return to health; exercise and maintain a healthy weight; sleep as much as is needed for my body; be conscious not to abuse drugs or alcohol; eliminate negative or harmful habits.

Spirit - keep a strong relationship with God; touch base with my inner self through meditation; be kind and generous to others; do something creative daily; enjoy art and music; and spend more time with nature.

Mind - think positive thoughts; search for solutions to all challenges; set and update goals quarterly; create mental pictures of desired future and revise them as necessary; practice mental gymnastics such as when using memory techniques.

Emotions - be true to what I believe in; set clear boundaries for myself and others; overcome even the slightest fears; be open to loving and being loved; do what ever I need to do to truly love myself; accept myself for who and how I am in the areas I cannot change; accept others for who and how they are realizing they are probably doing the best they know how; forgive myself and others and move forward.

Other - continue to learn new skills and talents; strengthen existing skills and talents; enjoy my work and do it very well; have a makeover; do everything so well that I would be proud to sign my name next to it.

Significant Other - Love and accept my Significant Other for who and how they are; have fun and laugh a lot with them; be affectionate and share a lot of physical, loving contact; be a source of emotional support; keep the spontaneity and passion alive; be available; be sensitive to their needs; be totally honest, maintain clear lines of communication; always be best friends.

Children - teach them about God and goodness; love and accept them unconditionally for who and how they are; discover their unique nature and gift; acknowledge and respect them as individuals, be the best teacher and guide I can possibly be; be a good example; teach them healthy morals and values; teach them to take responsibility for all their actions and outcomes; teach them how to make good choices and decisions, teach them about consequences; teach them how to create a life of their own design; keep a 24 hour open line of communication; be patient.

Family and Friends - stay connected; address unresolved issues whenever necessary and appropriate; do not enable unresourceful behaviors; be honest; forgive and allow to be forgiven; make amends if necessary; lend a helping hand; be available; be supportive; encourage positive change when ever necessary; spend time together; remember their birthdays and special occasions; be there for them during tough times.

Pets and Plants - love, respect and appreciate them and their existence; be sensitive to their needs; provide them with the proper care for maximum health; spend time with them; have fun.

This sample list may or may not match the kind of person you are today. Putting that aside, you will notice that material possessions and finances are not listed. This is because when you are doing everything you know how to do to keep your relationship with God and your Self strong, healthy and true, then you will have plenty of work. And, because you do your work so well with your have highly developed skills and talents, you will be in high demand giving you the corresponding income to buy the possessions you desire.

Note: It would be interesting to see how your Checklist for Success compares to that of your Significant Other. If they are the same, you may have a match made in heaven. If they are slightly different, then you may each agree to modify your lists in order for them to match. This could be taken as a sort of written agreement between the two of you that basically states you will go through life together valuing the same things. If your lists are totally different and there is no desire to make any modifications in order to make a closer match, then you may want to reconsider how Significant the Other really is.

These kinds of lists can be made between you and anybody else such as business partners, employees and children. Parents and children making a list with the title "What It Takes To Have And Maintain A Healthy, Loving And Open Relationship" may find it to be a real eye opener when the most important thing for a parent is to have "open communication," yet for the child it is having "total privacy." As long as each person participating in this exercise is willing to be flexible and work together the outcome is more than likely going to be very positive.

Your Checklist for Success is a great way to set goals as well. Whenever you discover that you are not doing something that would surely improve how you relate to one of the persons or things on the list, then make it a goal for you to reach. Your life will only move forward, and in a very positive manner.



By: Laura Silva Quesada



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Nikhil Gadodia
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Top 10 common business leadership mistakes !!
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Top 10 common business leadership mistakes !! - April 8th, 2006

Everyone wants to lead, but at what cost? A careless approach to leadership can result in major losses for everyone.

Most of us can recall a leader who just wasn't cut out for the job. Being a leader is demanding; becoming a great leader is uncommon. Followers aren't particularly merciful to those who lead incompetently. Instead, they can respond with insubordination, decreased productivity, or a generalized attitude of confusion or frustration. If you are a business leader or thinking about becoming one, here are some mistakes to avoid:
1. Don't lord it over your staff. No one likes a know-it-all. Assuming a cocky stance or a bullying attitude will strike a similar flint in the hearts of your subordinates.
2. Don't be a softie. Just as a sharp edge can have a cutting effect, a marshmallow can quickly lose its shape. Being a people pleaser means that you will inevitably let someone down, so don't even try. Instead, focus on the job and make it work with everyone's interests as best you can without bending over backwards until you break.
3. Don't put on a over-confident front. If you need information, ask for it rather than pretend you have all the answers. There's nothing wrong with an honest question, but there's plenty wrong with someone who is afraid to ask.
4. Don't misjudge employees' abilities. Take time to read files, interview people, and observe performance before making staffing decisions. Put competent, trustworthy people in charge of important projects so that neither you nor the company will regret it.
5. Don't play favorites. Owing a favor or liking a person are two poor reasons for handing out raises and promotions. Feeling sorry for someone is just as bad. Use good judgment and fair play to make staff decisions.
6. Don't hold a grudge. If you don't get along with someone, stay away from the person; don't try to get even. Leaders who use their position of authority to take punitive action based on personal vendettas are likely to find themselves in trouble.
7. Don't take a casual approach to the budget. Get to know it thoroughly. Understand company growth patterns and long-term projections, as well as how your leadership can play a role. Being careless with money is dangerous and potentially costly in the business world. Careless mistakes take time to fix, and in business, time is money.
8. Don't overlook company shifts, goals, or problems. Study the "big picture" with a view to finding your place in it and growing with the company.
9. Keep an eye on industry trends. Know what's "hot" and what's not; that's how leaders keep leading. Otherwise, someone who is more knowledgeable than you may take your place.
10. Stay human. When mistakes happen, forgive others and yourself. Laugh and be friendly, but don't look foolish doing it. Avoid mechanical responses and a 24/7 mentality toward your job. Do your best, but then leave the rest of your job at work until the next day. It'll be there when you return. At night and on weekends, enjoy your family and have fun. You've earned it.
Becoming a leader is challenging. Follow these suggestions to avoid problems and help your company and your career reach their potential.


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Nikhil Gadodia
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Accepting Ourselves and Others !!
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Accepting Ourselves and Others !! - April 8th, 2006

Love is the ultimate healing energy.We lack giving and receiving love.

Our feelings of isolation and loneliness breed mistrust, misunderstandings, competition, antagonism and the whole series of health destroying emotions such as fear, anger, hatred, jealousy, bitterness, resentment etc. These negative emotions build up a personality complex of their own, and grow out of the control destroying our health and relationships.

Learning to accept and love ourselves and others despite our faults, weaknesses, habits and mistakes is a powerful means for healing ourselves and others.

By developing more deeply rooted feelings of security and self-worth, we enable ourselves to understand, forgive and love others and ourselves in more and more situations.

The following thoughts may help us in that process.

We are all souls in a process of evolution.

We are all controlled by our ignorance and fear, which cause us to function in less than perfect ways. Thus, it is logical to accept and love ourselves and others even though we are not perfect and make mistakes.

This can be understood more clearly through some examples.

Two broken legs

If we know someone who has two broken legs and for this reason is unable to carry out his or her responsibilities or be very productive or creative, we automatically understand that they cannot do any more, because they have two broken legs.

What we fail to understand is that many of people who we perceive as lazy, irresponsible or negative and even immoral have in fact two of their "emotional legs" broken. They have seriously impaired emotional legs of "inner security" and feelings of "self-worth".

Their insecurity and feelings of self-doubt cause them to behave in negative ways. We, too, might be such persons who have had their inner strength handicapped by negative childhood experiences. Thus we would do well to understand and love ourselves and others even when we are not able to be who we would like to be.

Accepting ourselves does not mean that we do not recognize and admit our mistakes and weakness and seek to improve ourselves and free ourselves from those obstacles so that we can manifest our inner potential on all levels.

Also, accepting others does not mean that we do not assertively explain to them the types of behavior that we need from them.

Half-finished Paintings

An incomplete painting is not yet in its perfected form. It is in the process of being perfected, of being completed. We know that it is not completed because consciously or subconsciously we know that it can be much more than it presently is. But we do not reject the painting because it is not yet what it will be. We do not say that it is wrong or unacceptable. We simply perceive it as incomplete and we attend to the process of completing it.

Let us then imagine that our and others¹ personalities are half-finished paintings. Let us perceive the general state of the society and world around as a painting in progress.

Yes, there are many weaknesses, faults and aspects to be improved in those paintings. But they are what they can and should be for their incomplete stage. A painting must pass through a series of stages until it is finally completed. Each of these stages is a perfect part of that process of completion. No stage could be skipped or avoided.

Thus, we and those around us are "perfect" at every stage of that process of completion. We and everything around us is at a stage in the process of perfection. Even our imperfections are a perfect temporary part of our movement towards perfection.

When we perceive ourselves and others as unfinished paintings, we will have patience and understanding for our mutual weaknesses and faults. We will perceive them as parts of our being which need to be worked on in the process of manifesting our perfect being, which is waiting latent within us to become a reality.

The same of course holds for those around us who are in a process of perfecting their unfinished paintings.

The Bud and the Flower

A flower bud does not yet manifest its latent beauty. Yet we do not reject, criticize or condemn it. We realize that it is in a process and that it is what it needs to be now in order to become the flower which it is destined to be. We accept it is as it is and wait patiently for its blossoming.

In the same way we need to perceive ourselves and others as:

1. Paintings in the process of completing ourselves.
2. Buds becoming flowers
3. Souls in the process of evolution.

We all deserve love and respect exactly as we are.

Our life purpose, however, is to attend to the process of evolution and self-perfection until we blossom into the magnificent and totally conscientious and loving beings that we are destined to be.
If we care for our bodies and minds,
they will care for us.


Be Well

***** By Robert Elias Najemy *****
*******************************


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Nikhil Gadodia
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Building Rapport with Different Personalities !!
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Building Rapport with Different Personalities !! - April 8th, 2006

How can you handle personalities that push your buttons?
From power junkie to eager puppy, get advice on improving your interactions with different types of people.

When it comes to personalities, no one clicks with every person on earth - that's what makes interactions sointeresting (and sometimes frustrating).

You can count on the fact that, during the course of your work, you'll meet people with a wide range of personalities, including several that push your buttons.To work effectively, efficiently, and enjoyably, you can learn how to create positive or neutral interactions with personalities that would otherwise drive you into ragingmaniac mode. Needless to say, this can be a lot harder thanyou imagine.

While we can't address every personality type, we'veselected three types with whom many people have a toughtime, and offer a few specific tools that we at InnoVision Communication haveused to increase understanding and build rapport.
  • The power junkie
  • The withholder
  • The eager puppy
THE TYPE - The power junkie
In every meeting, this person tries to wrangle control and power from others she perceives as threatening to herstature. Wanting to be the top dog and seen as the mostknowledgeable, the power junkie will interrupt, squelchideas, intimidate others, and dole out tasks - even if herrole isn't to assign responsibility.

A TOOL - Acknowledge talents using respectfullanguage
Generally, the power junkie just wants recognition for her talents and acts out based on insecurity. By acknowledging this person's expertise in a specific area and seeking heropinion, you'll help quell her fears of appearing stupid or not having her expertise recognized. Don't retreat from communicating your recommendations or counsel simply toplacate this person, but don't be so attached to being right that you end up in a power struggle with a powerjunkie - no one really wins.

THE TYPE - The Withholder
Also insecure about power, thewithholder doesn't share information that will help you doyour job, even though it may ultimately benefit him. Inexplaining what he needs from you, he may leave out thefact that core decisions about the project haven't beenmade, or that there is a bigger budget than he has communicated to you. The reasoning behind this actionmay be to hang on to perceived power, to make him selflook better, or to test your abilities and trust in him.Whatever the case, the withholder is setting you up for avery hard-won success, if not outright failure.

A TOOL - Clarify, clarify, clarify
The best approach to take with the withholder to is askclarifying questions every time something is unclear oryou've received a mixed message. Follow up eachquestion with a statement clarifying why you ask, and howit's a benefit to the withholder -- i.e., making his job easier, providing a product that meets his expectations,representing him in the best way possible, etc. Finally, payattention to the "red flags" you're perceiving, clarifyingwhat you're able to do and what's not possible, given theinformation or resources you've received. List allthe information you need to ensure a successful outcome, or beclear about what outcome is possible with the informationand resources you have. If neither of these seems possible,seriously consider refusing the project.

THE TYPE - The eager puppy
So enthusiastic about his work and the project, the eagerpuppy answers way too prematurely. While his vivacity is refreshing, it can be contagious. Before you know it, meeting participants have agreed on a solution without examining or knowing the full story or assessing the reality. Solutions have sprung fromideas and opinions, not informed research. Needless to say,the result is a solution that doesn't fit the problem (because the solution predated an assessment of what the problem actually was), leading to an unhappy client and more work in the long run.

A TOOL - Slow it down
Agree on the purpose of the meeting at the start, and spellout what points or answers the discussion needs to cover inorder to reach that goal. Whenever the conversation veersoff from the key point of the meeting, lasso everyone backin. You could say, "That's a topic we may have to coverduring the course of the project. For now, let's work on[the purpose of the meeting] to ensure that we address the keyreason we're here today." Another effective way to slowdown the eager puppy is to ask probing questions. Whenpeople are taking ideas as fact (not asking questions thatcan help qualify or expand the idea), it is a sign that theyare ratifying the idea as the next action item. Step in and ask a question to halt this common meeting phenomenon. Forexample, "Before we even start talking about an onlinenewsletter as the answer here, do we know that theaudience has online access? What do we know right nowthat will help us identify realistic next steps?"


In closing
The starting point for honing your facility for skillfulinterpersonal relations is knowing your own personalityand how you react to others. Then expand your toolbox formanaging your own communications and reactions so that youdon't get upset when you encounter apersonality that doesn't gel with your own.

This information provides food for thought rather than counsel specifically designed to meet the needs of your organization or situation. Please use it mindfully. The most effective communication plan should be tailored to your unique needs, so don't hesitate to get individualized assistance from a communication expert.


By: Sarah Fenson


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Nikhil Gadodia
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Lessons from the Dance Studio Applied to the Workplace !!
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Lessons from the Dance Studio Applied to the Workplace !! - April 8th, 2006

Dancing involves the close cooperation of two individuals. What can it teach us about teamwork?

I’ve been taking dance lessons. Maybe you have too. We all show up to learn a new dance and many of us are strangers. All the dances require certain steps in order to achieve the goal, and involve two people working together toward this goal. We’re there to learn how to do the polka, for instance, but it involves more than just where to put the feet.

There are many times in life when we work in pairs, and the lessons we learn at dance school can help us with this special kind of teamwork.

1. The Frame. This refers to how the man holds his upper body, arms and hands in order to hold the woman. He must apply just enough pressure to the woman’s shoulder blade, and she in return has to lean into it so he can guide her. She also has to place her hand on his right shoulder “just right.” In this way they can move together.
In dancing they say the man (the leader) is the frame and the woman (the follower) is the painting. It's the man's job to make his lady look good.

APPLICATION: Every duo working together must be able to feel the other person enough to know what’s going on without being mauled. It’s about being assertive, not passive and not aggressive. In an interchange at work, we state our opinion in an argument. We don’t withdraw or bellow and intimidate.

2. Leading. Any dyad that hopes to accomplish something has to have a leader. The man is in charge of what’s called “the sequence.” You don’t sit down with a flow chart or outline to find out what’s going to happen. It’s up to the man. The woman has to be able to pick up the cues.
APPLICATION: To accomplish something, someone must be in charge. The others must be willing and able to follow the lead, which doesn’t have to be heavy; it can be subtle. It's the leader's job to make the followers look good.
3. Following. The woman’s job is to follow, and she has to have a leader. Two people with two different ideas of what’s going to happen will work at cross purposes, and nothing will be accomplished. Even if the man doesn’t know the steps and isn’t dancing in time to the music, you must follow.
APPLICATION: Following and leading go hand-in-hand. Each person must know which is their role and do it. Sometimes you won’t know what the leader is doing, or won’t agree, but it’s still your job to follow.
4. The Basic Steps. You start by learning the basic steps of the dance – where your feet go, where the hands and arms go, how you move, and when. After you’ve mastered the basics, you can embellish and improvise.
APPLICATION: Every large job we do is composed of small, basic steps. To write a story, you have to know how to write a chapter. To know how to write a chapter you have to know how to write a paragraph; for a paragraph, a sentence. If you get overwhelmed, go backward to the smaller steps. Count like you do for a dance, “one, two, one, two, three.”
5. The Rhythm. First you learn the steps and then you have to put them to the music.

APPLICATION: In a teamwork task, it won’t work if you get out of step, out of rhythm. If preparing and eating a meal, cooking, settle the table, and doing the dishes must all be done in rhythm, at the proper time. At work, the keyboarder can’t enter the data until she receives it. The CFO can’t do the budget until the department heads provide the figures. It’s a great source of stress when people get out of synch, out of rhythm. It messes up the dance.

6. The Music. The music orients the dance. It tells us when we begin and when we stop and what dance we’ll do.
APPLICATION: Time is a kind of background ‘noise’ at work. Everything you do is oriented in some way around time. It’s no good to write a pleading if you don’t get it filed on time. Your grant won’t be accepted, even if it’s excellent, if you don’t get it submitted before the deadline. Time dictates how fast you work and defines what you can accomplish. You can write a 500 word article in an hour, but you can’t write a 500 page novel in an hour.
7. Etiquette. The polka is a strenuous dance and after a while you start to sweat. Who wants to dance with someone who’s sopping wet and smells bad? Likewise who wants to dance with a woman who fights for the lead, someone who wipes their nose and then takes your hand, or a 6’4” in man who takes huge strides you can’t keep up with?
APPLICATION: Common courtesy greases the wheels of any joint project. This involves being sensitive to what’s going on with the other person, being able to give and take, practicing good personal hygiene, maintaining healthy boundaries, and knowing how avoid and resolve conflict.
8. The Metarules. Meta rules are the rules about rules. We’re learning learning dance steps, but there are also studio rules. One is that you change partners. Another is that you smile and look pleasant as you dane. The first metarule is written down. The other one you just learn, either by picking it up, or by not doing it and being corrected.
APPLICATION: All systems have metarules. A metarule in a family may be that the kids know if they want something from dad, not to ask him when he first comes homes from work. It may be a metarule at your office that the rules in the policies manual aren’t followed. The policies manual says promotions are based on merit, but everyone knows how they’re really given.

9. You Aren’t Alone. When you dance there are other couples on the floor and the man has to keep the couple out of harm’s way. Everyone has to move in the same direction, with faster couples on the outside.
APPLICATION: You aren’t alone in the workplace either. You can picture it like a dance floor. Everyone’s moving together, but also in their own pattern and you have to make sure the two don’t clash. You have to be aware of others, keep out of their way, and avoid hitting them.

10. Learning Styles. The West Coast Swing is a dance that’s particularly hard for men to learn. I’ve tried different ways to help the partner I’m with and what works for one man doesn’t work for another. One man learns by watching, another if you actually move his legs for him.

APPLICATION: You’ll greatly increase your chances of success in working with another person if you’re able to change your style to suit their personality and accommodate to what works with them. This requires empathy and creativity as you try something, observe how it works and then adjust.

by Susan Dunn


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Nikhil Gadodia
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