Misc +17 jokes

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused.

She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.' Then you sat under an ad that read 'Sloan's Liniments Remove Swelling.' Then you moved under a deodorant advertisement which read 'William's Stick Did the Trick.' And I just couldn't hold it in any longer when you moved a fourth time and sat under a tire advertisement which read 'Dunlop Rubber Would Have Prevented This Accident.'"
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
e calls a pharmacy and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weight by weighing themselves while holding the baby on an adult scale, then the mother weighs herself alone and subtracts the second amount from the first.

"Oh, that won't work," replies the blonde. "I'm not the mother -- I'm the aunt."
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Q: Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?

A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
I'm sitting on this plane, eating my dinner, when all of a sudden the captain comes on the loudspeaker and tells us that the plane is about to crash land into the mountains. The next thing I know this woman from the front of the plane jumps up from her seat and starts screaming like a lunatic.
"I can't die today! I WON'T die today! I am twenty-seven years old! I have been on countless dates and no one has ever made me feel like a woman! Please, I don't want to die like this! Is there anyone on this airplane that can make me feel like a woman?"
The entire plane went from hysteria to complete silence. Then, from the back of the plane, someone stood up. He was a dark, tall, well-built, handsome man.
"I can make you feel like a woman," was his reply.
He started walking slowly down the isle to the woman, who was now shaking with anticipation. One by one he started unbuttoning his shirt buttons, revealing his rippling stomach muscles. He quickly took his shirt off, slowly reached for her trembling hand, looked in her eyes and said...
"Iron this!"
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Son: ''Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?''
Dad: ''Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine.''
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon. He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance! Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance. Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer. It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge. She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly. We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."
"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"
"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes.
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Man to wife: ''Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!''
Wife: ''They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!''
Man: ''Nothing is that freakin' funny!!'''
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Q: What's hairy on the outside, wet on inside, starts with a "c" and ends in a "t'?

A: A coconut -- and you should be ashamed of yourself.
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?

A: Unzip it.

Q: What's the thinnest book in the world?

A: "What Men Know About Women."

Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

A: She unties you.

Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?

A: Opposites attract.
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Q: How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly?

A: Unzip it.

Q: What's the thinnest book in the world?

A: "What Men Know About Women."

Q: How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead?

A: She unties you.

Q: Why do men prefer intelligent women?

A: Opposites attract.
 

ctrl_buzz

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it.
 

sandeepwagh

New member
Advertisement by a Panty Manufacturer in USA (its real):
"We are not the best in the world but we are closest to the best thing in the world !"
 

MikeKikeInc

New member
Anyone Ever Incorporate Online?

Hi,

Quick question for everyone

Anyone ever form-corporations com]Incorporate Online? Need any help? I'm here to help :)
 
Top