Funny Jokes Collection

djrub

New member
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Banta: Kee Gal hai Sante. Akelle kelle samosey kha reyan
Santa : Nahin yaarr, Chutney De Naal.
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Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
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djrub

New member
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On 1st April sardar was travelling in a bus. Conductor
asked for the ticket, he gave him Rs. 10 and took the ticket
in his pocket and said,”April Fool”. I have pass.
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Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par please mujhe maroge to nahi.
Santa: Haan bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu.
Santa: It’s a gud News. Ess baat par kyu tumhe maru.
Jeeto: Shadi se pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.
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djrub

New member
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The Full Form of Chocolate Brand :

KITKAT - Kiss in Time, Kiss at Time
PERK - Perfect Emotional Romantic Kiss
MUNCH - Meet Urgently Now for a Charming Hug! So think before giving chocolate to any one.
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djrub

New member
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Boy - I love you
Girl - But I don’t
Boy - Think again.
Girl - No I don’t
Boy - Waiter Bill alag alag lana
Girl - I love u, I love u, Keh to rahi hu, tum bhi bura maan jate ho! ****************************************

Ek 99 year ka aadmi Swarg ki raunak aur sunder apsarao ko dekhke bola : “Ye Baba Ramdev ke chakkar me na pada hota to yaha 30 saal pehle aa gaya hota”.
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djrub

New member
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Santa to Autodriver : Gurudware Jaoge?
Driver : Haan bilkul jaunga?
Santa ne jeb se polythin nikala aur bola : Wapas aana to mere
liye langar le aana!
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Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!
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Daughter : Mummy khana kaise banaya jata hai.
Mummy : Pinky, meine kitni baar tumse kaha hai ki apne papa ke kaam
ki baat mujhse mat pucha karo!!
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djrub

New member
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Baniya : Kal tumhare mayke jane ke baad raat ko chor aa gaye. Unhone
mujhe khub pita aur murga bhi bana diya.
Wife : To kya aapne shor nahi machaya.
Baniya : Mein kya darpok hu jo shor machaunga!!
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Boss ki wife achana office pahuch gayi. Usne secretary ko boss ke god
me baithe dekh liya. Boss bina ghabraye bola, “Kaan kholkar sun lo. Budget ki
chahe kitni hi kami ho, mein ek chair se kaam nahi chala sakta.
Dusri chair kharidne ka order aaj hi de do”.
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djrub

New member
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Doctor to Female : Kya aap delivery ke time baache ke pita ko
apne paas dekhna chahenge?
Female : Nahi, unhe mere pati pasand nahi karte!!!
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Ek rangile ne apne girlfriend ke kuch jyada hi kareeb aane ki koshish ki.
GF : yaar, shaadi se pehle ye sab nahi.
Rangila : Don’t worry, mein pehle se hi shaadi-shuda hu!!!
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Ek baar ek terrorist ne ek budhiya ke ghar me bomb rakh diya.
Log chillaye - Budhiya bomb hai, Budhiya bomb hai.
Budhiya sarmakar boli : Dhatt teri, wo to mein jawani me thi!!!
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djrub

New member
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Banta to Doctor : Doctor Sahab! Mein apna dimag daan karna chahta hu.
Doctor : Hoga to hum le lenge :)
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Son to Dad : Papa, Mein itna bada kab hounga ki mein mummy se bina puche bahar ja saku?
Papa : Beta abhi itna bada to mein bhi nahi hua!!!
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djrub

New member
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Autowala to Santa : Sahab, 100 rupaye ho gaye.
Santa ne 50 rupaye autowale ko de diye.
Autowala : Sahab ye to gundagardi hai, meter ki hisab se 100 rupaye hue hai.
Santa : Tu bhi to baithkar aaya hai, tera kiraya bhi kya mujhe dena parega!!!
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Ek din Santa ne apni premika ko himmat jutakar keh dala - I love you.
Premika(Gusse se) : Jara pyar se nahi keh sakte?
Santa : I love you Didi!!!!
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djrub

New member
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Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
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Angry Santa to Son : Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?
Son : (Neeche dekhte hue) No Papa…
Santa : Neeche mat dekho. Look at me.
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djrub

New member
After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!
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After a big accident, a man was crying : O God! I have lost my lef hand?
Santa : Control yourself my friend. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost
his head. Is he crying?
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djrub

New member
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Ravi : Papa, jyada kaabil kaun hai? Mein ya aap?
Dad : mein, kyunki mein ek to tumhara baap hu, dursri umar me tumse bada hu,aur
mujhe tumse jyada tajurba bhi hai.
Ravi : Phir to aap jante honge ki light ki velocity ko kisne measure kiya hoga?
Dad : Haan, Einstein ne.
Ravi : Einstein ke papa ne kyu nahi? Unka tajurba to Einstein se kahi jyada hoga na?
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djrub

New member
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Santa : Banta itni sharab na piya karo, tumhari saanso tak se badbu aati hai.
Yehi haal raha to tumhe nark bhi jagah nahi milegi.
Banta : Don’t worry Santa. Saanse to me yehi chorrkar jaunga!!!
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Santa : Ess car ka kya naam hai?
Banta : Pata nahi, lekin S se start hoti hai.
Santa : Kamaal ki car hai, apni car to petrol se start hoti hai
 

djrub

New member
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Santa : Yaar meine aaj paper khali chor diya. Mujhe paper me kuch nahi aata tha.
Banta : Meine bhi.
Santa : Aare maar gaye yaar. Hum dono ne paper khali chor diya. Aab teacher samjhenge humne
cheating ki hai. Hum sab fail ho jayenge.
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Naukrani paas khade kutte ke paas gayi aur uske paas 10 rs ka note rakh diya.
“Ye kya kar rahi ho?”, Malkin ne pucha.
Naukrani replied : Yehi to ek hai jisne ess ghar me mera saath diya.
Ye na hota to mein ghar me itne bartan kabhi bhi akele saaf na kar pati.
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djrub

New member
Girl-to-Boy - Aaye bewafe tune sab kuch saaf kar diya,
mera dil jala kar rakh kar diya
Boy-to-Girl - Aye ladki, teri kurbani bekar nahi jayegi,
bhej de rakh mujhe, bartan manjne ke kaam aayegi.
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Pati aur patni ghumne gaye. Raaste me ek gadhe ko ghaas kata
dekh patni ne pati se kaha - Oo G tumhara rishtedaar ghaas
kha raha hai, namaste karo.
Pati - Namaste Sasur Ji
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Santa ne Banta se kaha,”Sabse bada challenge kya hai?”
Banta replied - Answer sheet ko khaali chod do aur last me likh dena,
paas karke dikha.
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djrub

New member
No Algebra for Romans

Romans were never good on Algebra because there ‘X’ was always ‘10.’

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No Two-Piece Please

A lady tourist went to a country on a vacation. In the evening she was toddling on the beach. A security person came to her and said, “Mam only one-piece is allowed here.” The lady was awe, thinking which one to open.

Sardar Giving Introduction

Once a Sardar, his wife, son and daughter went to a private party. There he introduces his family to a stranger by saying, “I am Sardar, she is Sardarni, he is my kid and she is my kidney.”

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djrub

New member
itanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators.

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How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

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djrub

New member
Santa: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

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Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I’ve seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
 

djrub

New member
Santa falls in love with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”

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Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.

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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
 

djrub

New member
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn’t came back yet!
Santa: Why don’t u cook something else? .

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An Englishman and santa inside the toilet.

Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?

Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
 
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