MGMT. HUMOUR :SOMEHOW TRUE!!

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chiragvyas

New member
Please read all!

1.Start at LondonHeathrowAirport.

2.Catch flight from London Heathrow to DallasFort WorthAirport.

3.Hire car at DallasFort WorthAirport.

4.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles.

5.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for0.3miles

6.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North AirportExit" -follow for 2.9 miles

7.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2miles

8.Then continue on "US287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles

9."US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles

10.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles

11."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles

12.Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles

13.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles

14.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles

15.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles

16.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles

17.Arrive at the centre of town.

please scroll down

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Now that's the fu#&ing way to Amarillo!

SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW . . . . .
 
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nirbhaydayashanker

New member
Re: Best OnlineGD Participant of the Month SEPTEMBER Declared

A man walks into a pet store looking to buy a parrot.

The store owner points towards three identical looking parrots in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.

"The one on the left costs $500," says the store owner.

"Why so much?" asks the customer.

"Because it can implement entire SAP life cycle across various functional domains independently in very short time" answers the store owner.

The customer inquires about the next parrot and is told, "That one costs $1500. Apart from SAP, this parrot knows Enterprise Resource Planning, Business Process Optimization, and is well conversant with different aspects of business development."

The startled man then asks about the third parrot.

"That one costs $3000," answers the store owner.

"3000 dollars!!" exclaims the man. "What can that one do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest, I've never seen it do a single thing till date, but it calls itself a Management Consultant
 
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vishal khunt

New member
good one.......................
lage rahooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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ladycelebs

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
 
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ladycelebs

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
 
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uchaitu1

New member
Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What's your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.
 
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uchaitu1

New member
Aforeign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.
Twenty years, replied the guide.
You Indians are a lazy lot, the tourist said. In my country, this could have
been built in five.
At Agra he admired the Taj's beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.
Only ten years, said the guide.
The tourist retorted: You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.
In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: I dont
know. It wasnt there yesterday evening.
 
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uchaitu1

New member
Aman was driving well above the speed limit when a police car suddenly
emerged from behind, sirens blaring. Thinking hed outpace the cop, the
man pushed his accelerator to the floor. His cars speed rose to sixty, then
seventy, eighty, and ninety. Finally, the man thought, what the heck, and
pulled over, ready to receive a speeding ticket.
The police officer got out, leaned over the man and said: Listen, Mister, I
have had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good
excuse and I'll let you go.
The man thought for a moment and said: Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your car in my mirror, I thought you were
that officer and were trying to give her back to me.
No ticket!
 
R

rah1000

New member
Twenty New Management Styles

1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THEN THE EMPLOYEES
These kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, ten steps away. "We'll have to talk" you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.

2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW
These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, their thoughts keep staring out
of the windows.

3) MANAGING BY POST-IT'S
Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their 'busy'ness by continuously writing on Post-it's while you are talking.

4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY
These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If He is good, He knows what she must do.

5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING
These managers don't really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.

6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING
These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.

7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION
Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly secret kept information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of simulants from category 5!

8) MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS
These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they got more work to do.

9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS
In hierarchical organizations you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the lesser equal managers, and so on.

10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS
If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.

11) MANAGING BY STUDYING
Despite their continual attendances of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from
the practice.

12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE OVERHEAD SHEETS
Do you know them? Those sheets with some big arrows, boxes or circles? These sheets provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.

13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROOM
This is a major improvement of the older 'OPEN DOOR' management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.

14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS
This kind of managing is very popular. It will give them within a few hours the same information as an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.

15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE
In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.

16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS )
This management style is ATRASACWOC. ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication )

17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS
These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.

18) MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION
If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.

19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING
These managers must be spiritual educated, because they have no clues at all.

20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES
If you remind them to one of their promisses, the priority of that promise is to low to remember.
 
S

s.c

New member
A Polar Bear goes into a bar.

The Barman asks what the Polar Bear would like.

The Bear says " I will have a pint of larger and ....................................................









........................................................... a white wine"


The Barman says " Why the big pause/paws?"
 
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