I have come across many individuals in my trainings who claim that they are left behind in life because they lack self confidence, they have an inherent fear within them.
Why are we not self confident? Why do we fear? Who is the real self confident individual ?? How can we become self confident in life ??
Let me start with the basics. Self confidence is a heavy mask that many people carry as part of their personality, and this personality is just superficial. This personality is gifted by the society. In reality if this personality is broken and the real self is exposed, the individuals self condidence will disappear. A man of real self confidence never wears this "self confidence mask". He has it. Nobody can break it or make it disappear. He does not carry that mask. Anything you carry indicates that you dont have it.
A person who wears the mask of self confidence is trembling from within. They are afraid of the mask being broken or being lost. So they pretend to be courageous, to be knowledgeable, but deep within there is ignorance, complete ignorance. Deep down they are aware of their limited knowledge, but they are always ready with all possible answers to every possible question.
Your self confidence should be a part of your individuality. Your self confidence should be like your shadow. You dont have to carry it, it will follow you. You dont have to bother everytime to check if your shadow is following you. It naturally does. It is always available. Self confidence should become a part of your inner self and that can happen only when you know YOURSELF.
So the very basic lesson here is : Every fear can be conquered and self confidence can be injected into us only when we have completely known OURSELF.
Self confidence means having faith in yourself. The faith to handle all adversities that life throws upon us. Infact everychild is born with a freedom, the freedom from "doubt in yourself", the freedom to attempt, the freedom to take risks. But typical teaching patterns (social and educational) and also our upbringing format has slowly killed your basic freedom of trusting yourself, attempting new things in life, taking calculated risks in life. Each failure that we encounter, reduces this self trust and slowly you try to focus and depend on external agents to take care of different situations that arrive in our lives. This external dependence for years together has made you ignore the biggest strengtht that is nowhere around, but is within you.
Some Tips to grow your individuality :
Whenever you’re trying to build self confidence, keep the fact in mind that your worst enemy is yourself. The best way to defeat an enemy is to know all there is to know about him. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses. Keep track of your accomplishments, large and small. Pay attention to what types of situations make you judge yourself hastly & harshly.
Tell yourself every moment that your are full of Love. Create the felling of love in totality. Create it in your inner self as well as the exterior. Let your eyes report to your heart that your are beautiful / handsome. Look at the change that happens within you when you start praticing this. Dress sharply, sit straight and walk tall. Look at people in the eye. Convince yourself that you have unlimited faith in yourself even when you’re face a worst adversity.
Maintain Fitness :
Maintaining your general health is important for developing a confident individuality. Good health plays a big part in your general well being, and that feeling well makes you feel confident and positive in life. Exercising regularly to maintain fitness and keeping excesses in check helps to boost self confidence. Keeping in good shape and feeling well leads to a good appearance and a good feeling about yourself.
Have a positive attitude :
"My attitude every day will determine my success in the future. Today, I will walk, talk, act and believe like the person I wish to become." I used these words to help me overcome those past challenges, move on and find the next phase of my life. It's helped me live in a state of life abundance rather than one of frustration and fear.
When you decide to improve on your individuality, your tendency to be self-critical has to end. Look for what you do right each and every day. Don’t miss an opportunity to lavish yourself with praise, even if all you can say at the end of the day is that you’ve been trying awfully hard.
Learn things you longed to learn:
Take up a untouched passion of your life. Learn to play the drums or a guitar, learn plantations or anything. Being able to accomplish a new skill will give your individuality a new lively presence and a quick boost.
Giving existence something in return can be the best way of expressing your gratitude. Nothing gives more inner peace ,like when extending a hand to someone in need. Infact by thinking of the needs of others, you will stop dwelling on your flaws itself. This is an easy thing to accomplish: Infact just being a willing ear for someone that is lonely or stressed can work magic.
Stand up, Speak up:
Take every oppurtunity to Stand up and express your views. Be that at home, at work or at a social platform. Every expression adds to strengthen your individuality and the confidence you develop in yourself by practising this cannot be shattered or even shaken by any external source. When holding conversations with people make eye contact with them. You do not need to stare at them because this might make them uneasy.
Working on your innerself, changing your individuality is the first step to increased confidence and dissolving fear in life.
In my next article, i shall focus on mastering the art of SELF CONFIDENCE and breaking the concept of FEAR in our professional lives particularly.
Mathew Thomas is a passionate Trainer, Motivational Speaker and Educational Coach who has worked with a wide range of clients including multinational organisations, education bodies, professional training providers and individuals.